BREAKING: Biden outlaws guns for everyone except criminals and people guarding him
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden today signed several executive orders outlawing guns for everyone except for criminals and people guarding him. "Criminals...
Month: April 2021
If capitalism is so great, why can’t a Trans and Fat Studies double PhD find a job?
I'm going to say it (or type it on my $500 iPhone): I've had enough of this whole capitalism thing....
Colleges dump SAT for much more accurate parmesan cheese-smoking intelligence test
US—Colleges across the country are ditching the Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) for their standard entrance exam, replacing it with President...
BREAKING: US military to accept people who identify as good soldiers but are biologically no-skill fat slobs
WASHINGTON, DC—In a brave path forward under the Biden administration, the Pentagon is set to eliminate all discrimination in the...
BREAKING: Arkansas is first state to allow minors to cut off their arms if they identify as a T-Rex
LITTLE ROCK, AR--Governor Asa Hutchinson on Monday signed legislation Monday that made Arkansas the first state to allow minors to...
Transginger movement builds steam amid push to be less white
US—With the recent popular trend to “be less white,” caucasian people are scouring the color spectrum in search of a...
CDC recommends everyone now wear tin foil face masks while in public
WASHINGTON — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) readied new guidelines Monday on coronavirus protections including an innovative...
John Kerry seen unloading private jet from transport jet en route to Climate Conference
President Biden's Climate Czar John Kerry was accused by critics of attempting to stage a photo op on Saturday after...
MLB changes name to Baseball League Matters in response to protest
ATLANTA—Major League Baseball (MLB) has changed its name to Baseball League Matters (BLM) in response to the protest of its...
Lightfoot reminds Chicagoans to mask up this weekend to keep everyone safe while shooting each other
CHICAGO—Mayor Lori Lightfoot made a public announcement, reminding Chicagoans to wear a mask this weekend to keep everyone safe while...
