Big Bird falls off stage, cancels all appearances following vaccination
US--Big Bird has cancelled all appearances after falling off stage following highly publicized vaccination. The eight-foot two-inch (249 cm) tall...
Year: 2021
Man eaten by shark dies from white supremacy coronavirus
(CNN) CORONADO, CA—Evidence is beginning to mount that young and healthy people can contract COVID-19 and die from the horrifying...
McAuliffe wonders where his ‘Biden spike’ of votes went
RICHMOND, VA—Terry McAuliffe is waiting for his 'Biden spike' of votes to come in and for all the media to...
BREAKING: McAuliff wins Virginia race just before polls open
RICHMOND, VA—In order to avoid post-election confusion like we had in 2020, Virginia Democratic gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe was declared...
CNN: Why napping during climate speeches is good for the environment
(CNN)Taking naps on the job is the new technique to help the environment, science says. So, when the leader of...
John Kerry seen unloading private jet from transport jet en route to Climate Conference
LONDON—President Biden’s Climate Czar John Kerry was accused by critics of attempting to stage a photo op on Saturday after...
CBS cancels World Series due to constant ‘F*** Joe Biden’ chanting in crowd
US—CBS has cancelled the World Series after constant chanting from the crowd disrupted game four. Fans chanted "F*** Joe Biden"...
Biden says he will probably vote for ‘this Brandon guy’ next election
US—Following a recent surge in popularity of a dark horse presidential candidate "Brandon", even sitting President* Joe Biden says that...
New hack for managers to get around pesky sexual harassment laws
US—If you're a pervy middle manager in a Fortune 500 company, you're in luck! Thanks to President* Biden's new vaccine...
BREAKING: Biden to replace unvaxxed soldiers with army of Rachel Levine clones
WASHINGTON, DC—Facing pressure from an increasingly hostile and militaristic China, President* Biden has approved a program to replace all military...
