Disney launches porn platform with only former Disney child actors
ALTA VISTA, FL—Inspired by Bella Thorne's hugely profitable OnlyFans account, Disney corporation hopes to capitalize on the utter degenerates that...
Jeremy Spoken
None of the snowflakes in an avalanche feels responsible.
Millions of American pets eager to vote by mail in their first presidential election this year
US—With the consequential 2020 presidential election less than three months away, a determined Congress is pushing to ensure that tens...
Goodyear introduces new 2020 tires that only make left turns
Going all in on its recent zero tolerance for conservatives policy, Goodyear Tire Company is introducing its 2020 tires that...
Biden promises a full-size USPS mail box in every American living room
WILMINGTON—Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden has promised a full-sized US Postal Service mail box in every American living room if...
PETITION to have the first batch of COVID-19 vaccine shoved up Bill Gates’s ass
Fighting misinformation and conspiracy theories about the novel coronavirus has almost been as hard as battling the pandemic itself. And a new...
CDC predicts COVID will die out abruptly November 4th
ATLANTA—The CDC has assured the public that the COVID-19 virus will no longer pose a threat greater than the regular...
Twitter bans thousands of QAnon users who had already left Twitter cause Twitter sucks
Twitter announced on Tuesday that the social media company had banned thousands of accounts by QAnon users who had already...
MLB replaces racist white baseballs with orange Trump bobble head balls
Just in time for the start of the upcoming abbreviated Major League Baseball season Commissioner Rob Manfred has made the...
Disney renames Main St USA George Floyd Blvd; declares it Antifa autonomous zone
ALTA VISTA, FL—Disney has renamed Main Street USA George Floyd Boulevard and declared the surrounding area a communist autonomous zone...
STUDY: Exactly zero people give a shit about what Bill Gates thinks about coronavirus
A new study by the Pew Pew Center shows that exactly zero people throughout the world give a shit about...
