Fauci: new federal ‘Jumbo’, XXX size anal swabs approved for TSA airport use
WASHINGTON, DC—Airline travel will be much safer with the use of the new Omicron, XXX anal swabs being utilized by...
Gumpers
Neil Young diagnosed with SIS; put on career ventilator, fans hold vigil for Spotify sales
REDWOOD CITY—Singer, songwriter Neil Young was admitted into the PR firm of APCO last night, suffering from delusions of importance...
Russia amasses troops at Ukraine border to spell ‘Let’s Go Brandon!’
WASHINGTON, DC—Pentagon officials have released of aerial photos of Russian tanks, trucks and equipment amassing on the Ukraine border positioned...
New COVID variant ‘Happicron’ deadliest to old sourpusses and mediocre comedians
ATLANTA—The CDC has announced a new variant of the SARS-CoV-2 virus infecting Los Angeles in the West Hollywood area. It...
Leonardo DiCaprio presents his top 10 bucket list for the 9 years left of Earth
With just a limited amount of time left on the planet Earth, Leonardo DiCaprio’s shared his official bucket list of...
BREAKING: AOC begins cloning herself so that ‘everyone can date her’
US—Blueside Biological Labs has begun cloning US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) so that "everyone can date her," according to Left...
President Biden promises to solve all the problems caused by whoever is president
WASHINGTON, D.C.-- President Joe Biden promised to solve all the problems caused by whoever's president, marking the first year of...
Modern Fuhrer magazine ranks top Hitlers of 2022; Hitler comes in 5th, George Washington still #1
Modern Fuhrer magazine’s new Hitlers Ranked poll finds George Washington is still in first place, surprisingly, Hitler himself has dropped...
Biden to build new border wall to protect Americans from ‘American’ts’
Washington D.C. - “There’s good walls and there’s bad walls.” President Joe Biden announced last night at a fund raiser...
Count Chocula endorses Gavin Newsom for 2024 presidential run
SACRAMENTO—Is Governor Gavin Newsom throwing his hat in the ring for the 2024 presidential election? We don’t know the answer...
