BREAKING: Devil sues Catholic Church for defamation claiming ‘Enough is enough’
VATICAN—Lawyers for the Devil have filed a 500 billion € lawsuit against the Catholic Church for defamation of character, restriction...
Gumpers
DoD quietly adds new DEFCON levels for Biden food cravings, poopy pants
WASHINGTON, DC—The Office of the Joint Chiefs of Staff has notified media outlets that the Department of Defense has added...
NY 911 switchboards swamped with Betty White sightings
NEW YORK—Authorities are recommending to keep a safe distance if you see someone you think is Betty White. Spokesperson for...
Local man claims he knows who Trump’s vice president was
CHEESECURD, WI—Some people say it was a guy named Cheney... others swear Trump never had one, however longtime Madison, Wisconsin...
Saudis open new Hajj park in Switzerland around the Matterhorn
MATTERHORN, SWITZERLAND—How much more enjoyable will the Hadj be with hot cocoa? This once-in-a-lifetime pilgrimage, a mandatory religious duty for...
Amazon to become a church to avoid paying taxes forever
SEATTLE—In a genius move, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos announced today that Amazon, the world’s largest online retailer will become a...
Biden diverts US border wall funding to Oprah’s ‘Promised Land’ estate
MONTECITO, CA—Oprah Winfrey is feeling a lot safer now that border wall is going up around her ‘Promised Land’ estate....
CNN to report on the thousands of people not shot in Chicago over the weekend
(CNN)—We at CNN have a new policy in which, instead of reporting on the number of people shot and killed...
Due to supply chain shortages Chick-fil-A changes name to Cat-fil-A
ATLANTA—Due to supply chain issues across the US, the largest fast casual restaurant chain, Chik-fil-A, is changing its name to...
Kamala Harris says Mayan calendar prophesies she will assume presidency February 02, 2022
WASHINGTON DC—Vice President Kamala Harris says the Mayan calendar has revealed she is to take the presidency of the United...
