Shoppers already lining up for Black Friday deals outside of cargo ship off California coast
LOS ANGELES—Shoppers have already started lining up for this year's Black Friday deals at beaches across California. They have their...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
FDA agrees to use children in deadly experiments instead of dogs
WASHINGTON, DC—Following outrage about Dr. Anthony Fauci's use of beagles in horrible experiments, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has...
Democrats change 2022 campaign slogan to ‘Try to lower your expectations’
WASHINGTON, DC—For the first time ever, politicians are promising less during an election. The Democrats have changed their 2022 campaign...
CNN: Fauci’s dog torture experiments were mostly peaceful
(CNN) The Republicans are leading another witch hunt against Dr. Anthony Fauci, who conducted mostly peaceful dog torture experiments while...
MasterClass announces new offering: Alec Baldwin Teaches Gun Safety
HOLLYWOOD—MasterClass always chooses the best people for their classes. Like when they chose Paul Krugman to teach economics. That was...
BREAKING: Crazed white supremacist kills 1 in movie set mass shooting
NEW MEXICO—A crazed white supremacist—Alec Baldwin—has killed one and injured another in a mass shooting on the set of the...
BREAKING: Brandon surges to the lead in the 2024 presidential poll
US—A poll conducted by the Pew Pew Center shows that some guy named Brandon has surged to the lead in...
BREAKING: Biden adds Pfizer to US flag, Pledge of Allegiance
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden yesterday announced that he is adding Pfizer to the official US flag and the Pledge of Allegiance...
Bill Gates to constantly stroke a white cat to solidify his role as global supervillain
REDMOND, WA—Renowned tech and biotech mogul Bill Gates has decided he will carry around a white cat and stroke it...
BREAKING: COVID-19 has died after infecting Chuck Norris at age 81
DALLAS—COVID-19, the novel coronavirus, which has wrecked havoc across the globe, has been declared dead after infecting Chuck Norris. "We...
