Apple shuts down child abuse scan project after only finding pictures of Joe Biden
CUPERTINO, CA—Electronics behemoth Apple has announced it is shutting down a brand new program to scan US phones for child...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Fauci orders drone strike on Rand Paul
WASHINGTON, DC—Escalating his War on Science, America's Doctor and leader of the Pharmaceutical-Industrial Complex Anthony Fauci has ordered a drone...
Fauci warns a 3rd booster shot may be necessary for those who haven’t died yet
NEW YORK—America's doctor Anthony Fauci has warned that a third booster shot may be necessary for those who haven't died...
BREAKING: Andrew Cuomo calls for Joe Biden to resign
ALBANY, NY—Just hours after President* Joe Biden called for New York Governor Andrew Cuomo to resign following a report found...
Charges on Cuomo dropped after he agrees to harass at least 50% transwomen from now on
ALBANY, NY–Just hours after President* Joe Biden and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi called for New York Governor Andrew...
Local stores completely sold out of 9mm vaccine passports
SPRINGFIELD—All area stores have completely sold out if their supply of 9mm vaccine passports amid a nation-wide shortage. The shortage...
Democrats call to defund all police except for the ones protecting them
WASHINGTON, DC—Congressional Democrats called for the defunding of all police except for those police protecting them in a new campaign...
Local Branch Covidian waterboards himself trying to drink vaccine through his mask
US—A local member of the Branch Covidian sect of Fauciism, David Jackaski is in the hospital today after accidentally waterboarding...
Jill Biden has sharp object removed from foot after stepping on Hunter’s crack pipe
WASHINGTON, DC—First Lady* Dr. Jill Biden had a sharp object removed from her left foot by doctors at Walter Reed...
BREAKING: Nancy Pelosi breaks her own mask rule, kills 74 people
WASHINGTON, DC—Nancy Pelosi broke her own mask rule for a photo op at the Capitol, killing 74 people. https://twitter.com/TheFirstonTV/status/1421111997672853504 When...
