BREAKING: The Secret Service has investigated itself and found they did nothing wrong
WASHINGTON, DC—The United States Secret Service has completed a thorough internal investigation and astonishingly found itself to be completely blameless...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Biden assigned a new doctor after hinting that he may drop out of presidential race if he has a ‘medical condition’
President* Joe Biden has been assigned a new personal physician following his recent hints that he might consider dropping out...
BREAKING: Secret Service Director Cheatle says they can’t protect Trump anymore because there are sloped roofs everywhere
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented announcement, US Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle has declared that the agency can no longer provide...
BREAKING: Trump selects clone of himself as VP: ‘He’s the only one I can trust’
MILWAULKEE—Former President Donald Trump has announced his vice-presidential pick for the 2024 election: a clone of himself. “Yes, it’s true....
FBI launches investigation into the Angel of God who interfered in assassination attempt on Trump
In a move that has left theologians and conspiracy theorists equally bewildered, the FBI has announced an investigation into the...
BREAKING CNN: Trump speech interrupted by mostly peaceful assassination attempt
Former President Donald Trump rudely cut his speech at his Butler, Pennsylvania rally short after some people said they heard popping...
BREAKING: Project 2025 will provide every Trump supporter with laser-shooting velociraptors
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unprecedented move that has left political analysts and citizens alike in a state of euphoric disbelief, the...
John Deere changes its name to John Queere
In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, John Deere, the iconic American agricultural machinery manufacturer, has officially changed its...
Gretchen Whitmer sports new name (Whitler) and mustache as she forms one-party dictatorship in Michigan
LANSING, MI—In a stunning display of political innovation and fashion-forward thinking, Governor Gretchen Whitmer has announced her transformation into "Whitler,"...
Republicans vow to write even more strongly-worded letters in retirement if Democrats allow illegals to vote in 2024 election
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold and unprecedented move, a group of Republican congressmen have vowed to up the ante in their...
