BREAKING: Congress to pass new gun control law to make people obey current gun control laws
WASHINGTON, DC—Following another school shooting in which the alleged perpetrator violated several laws on his way to killing 19 people,...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Biden shocked his “gun-free school zone” law hasn’t worked
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden is shocked that a law he introduced in 1990 prohibiting guns at schools didn't work. "We...
BREAKING: Biden issues executive order outlawing shooting people at schools
US—Following a mass shooting in Uvalde, TX Monday, President* Biden has decided to take unprecedented measures to protect the country...
Bill Gates releases new book ‘I Want to Kill Half of You’
SEATTLE—Bill Gates recently released his new book, "I Want to Kill Half of You," in which he offers some insightful observations...
Bill Gates releases Windows OS for humans: ‘MonkeySoft’ Vista
SEATTLE—While Bill Gates officially has left the Windows board to focus on bioterrorism, he has returned briefly for a release...
BREAKING: AOC confirms her longtime boyfriend is pregnant with her child
WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is putting the unconfirmed reports about her love life to rest. In an exclusive interview with...
Elongate: SpaceX employee complains about Elon Musk’s huge rocket
AUSTIN—A former SpaceX employee is complaining about CEO Elon Musk's huge rocket in a scandal that has been dubbed "Elongate"....
Jimmy Kimmel credits being vaxxed and boosted for getting COVID 2 times in a month instead of 3
HOLLYWOOD—Legacy late night television star Jimmy Kimmel continues to test positive for COVID-19. Earlier this month, the 54-year-old late-night talk show host...
Buffalo shooting is NY’s worst mass murder since Cuomo killed 15k nursing home patients in 2020
BUFFALO—New York is grieving and they are scared after 10 people - now named by officials - were gunned down...
