BREAKING: American Airlines to use flying reindeer to pull airplanes amid technical glitch
American Airlines has announced that their fleet will temporarily be powered by flying reindeer after a catastrophic software glitch grounded...
Business
Family makes annual trip to donate last year’s Chinese junk to make room for this year’s Chinese junk
The Smith family has perfected an annual ritual that combines the spirit of giving with the art of decluttering. On...
BREAKING: Powell announces Federal Reserve has added Hawk Tuah Girl to advisory role
Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell announced today that the central bank will now be seeking investment advice from Hailey Welch,...
BREAKING: Disney pulls scene of Clinton’s visit to Epstein Island from Pixar’s show after Kamala’s loss
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—Disney has decided to remove a controversial scene from an upcoming Pixar streaming series. The scene in...
BREAKING: Elon Musk becomes the first person on earth with enough wealth to fund the federal government for more than 5 minutes
WASHINGTON, DC—Billionaire Elon Musk has officially reached a level of wealth where he could, theoretically, fund the operations of the...
BREAKING: BLM looking forward to some extended Black Friday looting following Daniel Penny acquittal
NEW YORK—In a move that has redefined the concept of "retail therapy," Black Lives Matter (BLM) organizers have announced plans...
Starting in 2025, all refrigerators will have life-size replica of RFK Jr. judging your food choices
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented move to combat unhealthy eating and save the planet, a new federal mandate set...
AOC vows to fight capitalism by only using lowercase letters
Capitalism has been way too successful at creating wealth across demographics for two centuries and democratic socialists like Rep. Alexandria...
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me
When I first joined X (formerly Twitter), it was a safe haven for people like me—progressive, open-minded, and wholly committed...
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign
Jaguar has introduced a new car designed specifically to match its groundbreaking gay ad campaign: the Dildo-Mobile. During a press...
