AOC: ‘We must ban butter to save these poor butterflies!’
WASHINGTON, DC—In a new push toward a more just and equitable climate, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has made a...
Culture
Breaking WELY News Update
The US government is collapsing and we’re pretending it’s not! All in the latest news update! Stay current on the...
Biden narrowly misses price of the $3.5 trillion budget on Price is Right by $3.5 trillion
BURBANK, California—Joe Biden narrowly missed the correct price on a $3.5 trillion budget on the Price is Right today, guessing...
BREAKING: Biden deports all horses to Mexico
Equine members of the Animal Kingdom have been a part of man's civilization for thousands of years. Horses have been...
NFL has made over 1 million fans gay this year
NEW YORK—Ever since the NFL came out of the closet as being gay this summer, they have made a point...
Local leftist replaces his ‘Resist!’ bumper sticker with a ‘Govern Me Harder Daddy!’ sticker
OSHKOSH, WI–A local leftist, Wankie McLittlejon, has finally switched his ‘Resist!’ bumper sticker from the dark ages of the Trump...
BREAKING: COVID doesn’t spread at awards shows; galas
HOLLYWOOD—Celebrities and elites on both coasts will be pleased to know that the most dangerous disease in human history, COVID-19,...
Everyone at the Emmys wins award for pretending to care
HOHLLYWOOD—Seth Rogan won the first award of the night for virtue signaling about COVID right off the bat. "Good to...
Ghost of Norm MacDonald joins Genesius Times
Most of the comedy world was shaken by the announcement of the passing of comedian Norm MacDonald, who Steven Crowder...
Biden mandates shoving marbles up everyone’s asses after tweet by Nicki Minaj
WASHINGTON, DC--President* Biden has issued a rare edict mandating that all Americans have marbles shoved up their asses to fight...
