Colleges dump SAT for much more accurate parmesan cheese-smoking intelligence test
US—Colleges across the country are ditching the Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) for their standard entrance exam, replacing it with President...
Culture
BREAKING: Arkansas is first state to allow minors to cut off their arms if they identify as a T-Rex
LITTLE ROCK, AR--Governor Asa Hutchinson on Monday signed legislation Monday that made Arkansas the first state to allow minors to...
Transginger movement builds steam amid push to be less white
US—With the recent popular trend to “be less white,” caucasian people are scouring the color spectrum in search of a...
IDs are racist except when they’re for buying a gun, flying, driving, adopting a pet…
I don't know what bigots need to hear this but IDs (ie identification cards) are purely racist tools of CIS-gender-normative...
Biden: ‘I’m very excited to have Transformers in the US Military’
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden was excited to hear that, "the US Military would be allowing Transformers to serve," overturning a...
Biden cancels April Fool’s Day because it marginalizes Democrats
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has officially cancelled April Fool's Day because it promotes the continued marginalization of his voters. "April...
GOP to hold hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican lawmakers have scheduled a hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings, sources say. "We have...
Biden hires the Wizard of Oz to interpret his immigration policy
WASHINGTON, DC—No one is quite sure what US President Joe Biden's immigration policy is, least of all, the president himself....
Portland offers free hits of crack with proof of COVID vaccination
PORTLAND, OR—Residents of Portland are lining up to receive their free hits of crack rock—a little extra incentive for receiving...
Kamala Harris to host ‘Empowering Women’ talk with Bill Clinton on Epstein Island
WASHINGTON, DC—President Vice President Kamala Harris received backlash after promoting an 'Empowering Women' talk with former president and accused rapist...
