Local Branch Covidian waterboards himself trying to drink vaccine through his mask
US—A local member of the Branch Covidian sect of Fauciism, David Jackaski is in the hospital today after accidentally waterboarding...
Culture
BREAKING: Biden mandates frontal lobotomies for all federal employees, citing science
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden called on state and local governments to use COVID-19 relief funds to give $100 to residents who have a...
CDC opens ‘Faucitown’ where residents can drink vaccines mixed in Kool-Aid every day
FAUCITOWN, GA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have opened a village called Faucitown just outside of Atlanta where...
Lego releases new Kamala Harris set showcasing the rise to power of the vice president
COPENHAGEN, DENMARK—Toy manufacturer Lego has released a new Kamala Harris set showcasing the rise to power of the vice president....
Lightfoot urges all Chicagoans to get vaccinated to keep everyone safe while shooting each other this weekend
CHICAGO—Mayor Lori Lightfoot made a public announcement, urging Chicagoans to get the COVID vaccine to keep everyone safe while they...
Cleveland Indians win the next World Series after changing their name to Dominion Voting Machines
The long lasting name for the movie-star Cleveland Indians baseball team has come to an end. Many other infamous teams...
BREAKING: Biden designates the American flag a white supremacist hate symbol
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has designated the current American flag and all its predecessors as a hate symbol after seeing...
Latin Mass Catholics change their name to ‘Latinx’ to get support from Pope Francis
THE VATICAN—Following a clamp down by Pope Francis on the Latin Mass in the church, traditional Catholics are fighting back....
AOC: ‘The upside of socialism: not having to grow old’
Getting old sucks. Achy bones, health issues, cable news, not producing for the state. That isn’t a life I want....
Joe Biden appoints Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey as Secretary of Education
WASHINGTON DC—Following Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey’s grooming session at a public library, former Vice President Joe Biden appointed him head...
