BREAKING: Biden mandates frontal lobotomies for all federal employees, citing science
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden called on state and local governments to use COVID-19 relief funds to give $100 to residents who have a...
Health
Some female Olympians complain about ball-crushing uniforms after dominating performance
TOKYO—The Chinese Olympic track and field team has dominated all competition leading to the 2020 Tokyo Olympic games but they...
CDC opens ‘Faucitown’ where residents can drink vaccines mixed in Kool-Aid every day
FAUCITOWN, GA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have opened a village called Faucitown just outside of Atlanta where...
It’s racist to include vaccinated people in COVID death data right now
COVID is not done. Not even close. As CNN and MSNBC have made very clear, we're having a pandemic of...
Experts confused why COVID cases are spiking in areas they’re sending untested immigrants
US—Health experts are utterly confused as to why cases of the deadly COVID virus are spiking in places they are...
Rand Paul installs new height requirement to prevent Fauci from lying to Congress
WASHINGTON, DC—Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) has installed a new height requirement in the Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor, and...
AOC: ‘The upside of socialism: not having to grow old’
Getting old sucks. Achy bones, health issues, cable news, not producing for the state. That isn’t a life I want....
Advice to Biden’s door-to-door Branch Covidian volunteers
John Crist offers some sage advice to those Biden door-to-door Branch Covidian vax volunteers. Good luck! https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1285254628556237
Die from the COVID vaccine? That’s how you know it’s working.
I hear a lot of people complaining about the "adverse events" they experience after the COVID vaccine. Redness, fever, paralysis....
Biden confirms that all door-to-door vaccine-checkers will be named Karen
WASHINGTON, DC—Providing more details for the unprecedented door-to-door vaccination checkers in his new COVID vaccine plan will be named Karen....
