BREAKING: Fauci orders drone strike on Rand Paul
WASHINGTON, DC—Escalating his War on Science, America's Doctor and leader of the Pharmaceutical-Industrial Complex Anthony Fauci has ordered a drone...
Health
Fauci warns a 3rd booster shot may be necessary for those who haven’t died yet
NEW YORK—America's doctor Anthony Fauci has warned that a third booster shot may be necessary for those who haven't died...
Vaccine passports are a form of ID and blacks can’t get IDs so vax passports are racist
Ladies and gentlemen, vaccine passports are racist. It's been well established that marginalized peoples cannot, I repeat, CANNOT get driver's...
Local Branch Covidian waterboards himself trying to drink vaccine through his mask
US—A local member of the Branch Covidian sect of Fauciism, David Jackaski is in the hospital today after accidentally waterboarding...
BREAKING: Nancy Pelosi breaks her own mask rule, kills 74 people
WASHINGTON, DC—Nancy Pelosi broke her own mask rule for a photo op at the Capitol, killing 74 people. https://twitter.com/TheFirstonTV/status/1421111997672853504 When...
BREAKING: Biden mandates frontal lobotomies for all federal employees, citing science
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden called on state and local governments to use COVID-19 relief funds to give $100 to residents who have a...
Some female Olympians complain about ball-crushing uniforms after dominating performance
TOKYO—The Chinese Olympic track and field team has dominated all competition leading to the 2020 Tokyo Olympic games but they...
CDC opens ‘Faucitown’ where residents can drink vaccines mixed in Kool-Aid every day
FAUCITOWN, GA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have opened a village called Faucitown just outside of Atlanta where...
It’s racist to include vaccinated people in COVID death data right now
COVID is not done. Not even close. As CNN and MSNBC have made very clear, we're having a pandemic of...
Experts confused why COVID cases are spiking in areas they’re sending untested immigrants
US—Health experts are utterly confused as to why cases of the deadly COVID virus are spiking in places they are...
