Putin opens Uyghur concentration camp to make everyone like him again
MOSCOW—After receiving widespread condemnation for his invasion of Ukraine, Russian President Vladimir Putin has opened up Russia's very own Uyghur...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: EU leaders explain to Biden why Wile E. Coyote will never catch Roadrunner
U.S. President Biden, in using the cartoon ‘Roadrunner’ as an analogy for the Russian, Ukraine war attempted to illustrate several...
BREAKING: Florida invades Ukraine so that CNN will leave them too
TALLAHASSEE—The state of Florida has invaded the sovereign nation of Ukraine so that CNN will leave them too. Florida also...
Hunter Biden promises to return his 2 Russian mail-order brides amidst sanctions
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden's son Hunter promised to return his Russian mail-order brides amidst his father's sanctions on the country. "I...
Top Ten least funniest things in a Ukraine – Russian war
Top Ten least funniest things in the Ukraine - Russian war10. Orders coming from Russian headquarters are inside smaller orders...
CNN threatens to stop delivering fake news to Russia if they don’t withdraw from Ukraine
ATLANTA—The leader of fake news distribution in the West, CNN, is threatening to stop delivering their disinformation to Russia if...
Biden won’t come out from under bed; White House to try ice cream cone
Washington DC—President Biden, apparently shaken by the Russian invasion and the threat of a Chinese invasion is refusing to come...
BREAKING: Queen, regretting loss of colonies, orders British tanks on Washington
LONDON—Queen Elizabeth, commenting on how her great, great, great, great, grandfather, King George IV, f*** up, giving the colonies away...
Most Americans ‘pretty sure’ the people who lied about COVID are telling the truth about Ukraine
US—A recent poll by the Pew Pew Center found that a majority of Americans are "pretty sure" that the people...
BREAKING: Ukraine confirms Greta Thunberg is the ‘Ghost of Kiev’
KYIV—The elusive 'Ghost of Kyiv,' who has inspired the globe in his remarkable ability to shoot down Russians, has been...
