Leftist group Abolish Police renamed ‘Abolish Police Except to Trample Peaceful Truckers’
NORTH AMERICA—The International Leftist group Abolish Police has officially changed its name to "Abolish the Police Except to Trample Peaceful...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: Trudeau will let truckers protest ‘if only they burn down a few buildings like BLM’
OTTAWA—Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said in a statement that he would let the Truckers Convoy for Freedom continue to protest...
BREAKING: After consulting trusted advisors, Biden now says Ukraine will invade Russia any day now
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden, after spending almost two hours alone, at his Oval Office desk, consulting (babbling aimlessly) with his closest...
BREAKING: VP Kamala Harris dispatched to Europe to ‘sleep with anyone I need to to resolve Ukraine crisis’
WASHINGTON, DC—US Vice President Kamala Harris is traveling to a NATO meeting in Munich, Germany Thursday to "sleep with anyone I need...
Putin promises will only leave a few tourist buses behind near the Ukraine border
MOSCOW—Russian President Putin assured the Western powers that his troops are leaving the Ukraine border. “The high-season is coming and...
King Justin and Queen Sophie of Canada receive the head of trucker Rolf Wolfmanson: ‘Mostly symbolic’
ONTARIO—King Justin Trudeau and Queen Sophie graciously received the head of trucker protester, Rolf Wolfmanson at court. Wolfmanson was one...
Ukraine troops wash, wax, vacuum tanks; get ready for capture
UKRAINE—Major General Victor Nikolyuk, Northern Commander ordered all Ukrainian armored vehicles to be vacuumed and washed. “When the Russians capture...
Trudeau declares war on truckers; leads cavalry of inflatable unicorns to take out bouncy castle
OTTAWA—Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has declared war on the trucker convoy for freedom in Canada and is leading a cavalry...
In effort to be more green, China switches from gas-powered artificial snow makers to 100% slave labor
BEIJING—After several environmentalist groups applied pressure to China about its use of fossil-fuel-powered snow makers to produce snow for the...
Struggling Mark Zuckerberg launches GoFundMe page as net worth drops under $100 billion
Mark Zuckerberg has started a GoFundMe donation page as his net worth plummeted to under $100 billion following his company's...
