AOC launches dating app for Republicans who can’t date her
US—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) launched a firestorm after pictures were released showing her maskless in Miami as New York endured...
Politics
Biden awards velvet ropes the Medal of Freedom for saving democracy during Jan 6 insurrection
WASHINGTON DC- Following its brave defense of freedom during history's darkest moment, the January 6 insurrection, Resident Joe Biden awarded...
CDC releases new ‘mood ring’ that tells what COVID variant you have
ATLANTA—The US Centers for Disease Control and Promotion (CDC) are experts at science and all the science-y things. They come...
Biden diverts US border wall funding to Oprah’s ‘Promised Land’ estate
MONTECITO, CA—Oprah Winfrey is feeling a lot safer now that border wall is going up around her ‘Promised Land’ estate....
Kamala Harris says Mayan calendar prophesies she will assume presidency February 02, 2022
WASHINGTON DC—Vice President Kamala Harris says the Mayan calendar has revealed she is to take the presidency of the United...
FBI to put 100% of agents on finding out who got Biden to say ‘Let’s go Brandon’
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI is known for their tireless dedication to fighting horrible crimes and only horrible crimes. Like the time...
New ‘Santifa’ cards include explosives instead of glitter
Looking for a clever way to celebrate the holidays in 2021? Look no further! The new Santifa cards come with...
Fauci cancels Christmas so he won’t have to go back to North Pole to make toys
WASHINGTON, DC—Chief medical adviser to US President* Joe Biden, diminutive Dr. Anthony Fauci has decided to cancel Christmas this year...
BREAKING: Hillary Clinton ‘seriously thinking about’ losing again in 2024
Hillary Clinton said that she was, “seriously thinking about,” losing the presidency again in 2024. After a fall in the polls...
CDC warns US NOT to get J&J shot after J&J failed to contribute enough to DNC
ATLANTA—A Centers for Disease Control and Proliferation (CDC) advisory committee voted Thursday to advise calling mRNA coronavirus vaccines such as...
