Suckers now born every 11.9 seconds: scientist
A sucker is now born every 11.9 seconds, a new study in Science shows. “Americans who haven’t opened a book...
Tech
Ruth Bader Ginsburg to video conference next Supreme Court sittings from 7th Circle of Hell
Supreme Court Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg will video conference into the next few sittings from her new confines in...
CONFIRMED: Greta is cyborg sent back in time to kill off humanity
Rumors circulated after teen climate activist Greta Thunberg met with Terminator actor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently. Was she in fact a...
AOC says she was ‘just kidding about that Green New Deal stuff’ as she cranks the heat up to 72°
US Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been making the case for reducing fossil fuels use and reducing one's carbon footprint. But...
San Francisco mandates wall-size murals of Greta Thunberg in every apartment
The San Francisco City Council has approved a measure to mandate a wall-sized mural of teen climate activist Greta Thunberg...
Millennial stunned he didn’t get a job after replying “OK Boomer” to every interview question
Local Millennial Braiden Stone was stunned he didn't get a job for a prominent tech firm in the area after...
Uber investors predict massive losses to lift stock price
Investor Fred Smith was dismayed to discover that the fact Uber has never turned a profit and is unlikely ever...
Ocasio-Cortez applauds California for using natural light instead of electric lighting from fossil fuels
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez applauded Californians for using natural light from wildfires instead of electricity generated from fossil fuels during a...
Ocasio-Cortez thanks unwitting Green New Deal beta testers in California
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thanked millions of unwitting Green New Deal beta testers in California as they lost power intermittently for...
Twitter hasn’t suspended Trump’s account because Jack Dorsey is Satan incarnate
Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Kamala Harris has called on Twitter to suspend its most high-profile user: President Donald Trump. Harris said that Trump...
