BREAKING: NASA discovers evidence of ancient, microbial racism on Mars
WASHINGTON, DC—NASA’s Curiosity rover has uncovered ancient deposits of microbial racism on the Red Planet, opening up the possibility of...
Tech
Nancy Pelosi launches OnlyFans account to share private January 6th videos
WASHINGTON, DC—After teasing it last week, Nancy Pelosi announced today that she has indeed opened an OnlyFans account. The Speaker...
Bill Gates releases Windows OS for humans: ‘MonkeySoft’ Vista
SEATTLE—While Bill Gates officially has left the Windows board to focus on bioterrorism, he has returned briefly for a release...
Elon Musk buys Motel 6 to build first motel on Mars
CARROLTON, TX—Elon Musk announced the purchase of Motel 6 from the Blackstone Group, this morning. He said the nationwide, popular...
Elon Musk secretly buys 51% of all passwords, will soon control internet
ZURICH—The GPO, Global Password Organization, announced on May 5th, World Password Day, that Elon Musk, the SpaceX and Tesla entrepreneur,...
Elon Musk buys Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to fix their marriage
Elon Musk announced his most recent multi-billion dollar purchases: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. “I invested in the West-Kardashian marriage...
BREAKING: People who think men can get pregnant are worried Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter
US—People who think men can get pregnant are worried that Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter, sources say. "We're...
Jack Dorsey launches ‘Bitter’ for all disaffected liberals who’ve left Twitter
SILICON VALLEY—Former Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey has launched "Bitter", the social media app for all disaffected liberals who have left...
EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Twitter destroying docs before Elon Musk invasion
Genesius Times have uncovered exclusive video footage of Twitter executives burning documents related to their censorship algorithm before Elon Musk...
BREAKING: Elon Musk opens salt mine sourced only from liberal tears following Twitter acquisition
AUSTIN—Tesla CEO Elon Musk is venturing into new businesses. He is now selling salt sourced solely from liberal tears following...
