BREAKING: Mardi Gras cancelled due to lack of cheap plastic beads from China
The biggest party of the year has been called off due to a shortage of the most essential item: beads....
World
After deadly Ohio train derailment, Transportation Sec Buttigieg vows to go on train vacation next
EAST PALESTINE, OH—Following the deadly train derailment in Ohio in which hundreds of thousands of pounds of toxic chemicals were...
Satan distances himself from Pfizer after Grammys sponsorship
HOLLYWOOD—The Prince of Darkness has denounced his Grammys ritual being sponsored by Pfizer, claiming the company "is pure evil." "I...
BREAKING: Chinese spy balloon spotted flying over North America
The Pentagon is tracking a suspected Chinese spy balloon that is making its way over the northern US, a further strain on...
BREAKING: Unvaxxed, unhealthy, sick, guy with bad character wins Australian Open
An unhealthy, unvaxxed, sick, risk to society somehow won one of the most grueling sporting events in the world: the...
BREAKING: Biden sends 31 Abrams tanks to Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—In a major increase of U.S. support to Ukraine, President* Joe Biden has signed off on sending 31 Stacey Abrams...
BREAKING: Damar Hamlin spotted on the front lines in Ukraine
What an amazing comeback. Damar Hamlin suffered a mysterious cardiac arrest on Monday Night Football two weeks ago and NFL...
AOC defends Biden money laundering because ‘there’s so many germs on money’
WASHINGTON, DC—After learning that Joe Biden was laundering money through Ukraine and his son Hunter Biden, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez defended...
WEF unveils bathrooms for both men and lizard people at 2023 conference
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND—The World Economic Forum held in Davos every year is getting new bathrooms which will be used by both...
BREAKING: In response to Brazil’s insurrection, Schiff to impeach Trump again
BRASÍLIA, Brazil—Anti-communist protesters in Brazil have reportedly entered into the facilities where the country’s Congress and Supreme Court meet. They...
