BREAKING: Russia threatens to nuke East & West coast US; most Americans pretty okay with that
MOSCOW—A member of Russia's Parliament warned the U.S. that President Vladimir Putin could wipe out the East and West Coasts with...
World
BREAKING: FBI opens investigation into the upset parents of Uvalde shooting victims
WASHINGTON, DC—The Federal Bureau of Investigation has opened several investigations into the angry parents of the Uvalde, Texas mass shooting....
Elon Musk buys Motel 6 to build first motel on Mars
CARROLTON, TX—Elon Musk announced the purchase of Motel 6 from the Blackstone Group, this morning. He said the nationwide, popular...
Zelensky assures US that 10% of $40B aid package will go to the ‘Big Guy’
KYIV—Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky has agreed to a peace deal effectively ending the Ukraine-Russia war immediately following the deposit of...
Lightfoot adds bloody aborted fetuses and bullet holes to official Chicago city flag
CHICAGO—Democratic Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot is vowing that her city will be an "oasis" for abortions if Roe v. Wade is overturned, going as...
Biden declares war on the Ultra Mega Super Actors
Washington - President Joe Biden declared war on the Ultra-Mega Super Actors this morning. Calling them the most devastating legion...
BREAKING: SCOTUS abortion decision leaked by The Ghost of Kiev
WASHINGTON, DC—The identity of the person who leaked the SCOTUS decision, which likely will overturn Roe v Wade has been...
Mayorkas assures us the Disinformation Board will only infringe on free speech for our own good
WASHINGTON, DC—Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas on Sunday claimed that the new Disinformation Governance Board would only infringe on the...
Zelensky promises Pelosi she will get her cut of the money laundering paid in vodka
KYIV—Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has promised that US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi will get her cut of the...
White House: Biden’s hands identify as separate personality dubbed ‘Handsy’
WASHINGTON, DC—Psychologists say, after years of repression, it looks like President Biden has developed split personality disorder. A representative from...
