BREAKING: Pete Buttigieg declares himself winner in Afghanistan election
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—As the new Afghan government is forming, former US Democratic Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg announced himself victorious in the...
World
Biden orders all rainbow flags flown at half-staff after Taliban cancels UN queer theory classes
WASHINGTON, DC—Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley was appalled to hear that the Taliban cancelled all...
Biden assures Americans trapped in Afghanistan he won’t send any mean tweets
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden finally promised the 10-15,000 Americans still trapped in Afghanistan that they don't need to worry about...
BREAKING: DC bombing threat says he doesn’t know why there was an FBI paystub in his car
WASHINGTON, DC—The DC bomb threat suspect has surrendered to law enforcement officials peacefully after threatening on a livestream from his...
New Yorkers posing as Afghani terrorists in order to move freely without vaccine passport
NEW YORK--Thousands of New Yorkers across the city today are pretending to be Afghani terrorists so that they can move...
Biden invites Taliban to White House to show he means business
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden invited the Taliban to an extravagant dinner at the White House "to show them I mean business,"...
Missing Joe Biden will now be featured on milk cartons
US—Milk carton manufacturers will be featuring a picture of President* Joe Biden on their packaging in an effort to find...
AOC disappointed Taliban is using ‘gas trucks’ to rape and pillage instead of electric vehicles
WASHINGTON, DC—News of the horrifying takeover of Afghanistan by the Taliban who are raping and beheading opposition as they go...
CNN: Taliban conducts mostly peaceful beheadings, rapes after retaking Afghanistan
(CNN) Afghanistan citizens face mostly peaceful executions, beheadings, and violent rapes of adolescent women as the Taliban sweeps across the...
