BREAKING: Trump sends parents of toddlers in to negotiate with Portland protesters
PORTLAND—President Donald Trump has had enough of the Portland protesters, making loud noises and destroying stuff. He is sending in...
World
Biden would commute Boston Marathon bomber’s sentence so he can join Antifa in Portland
An appellate court has tossed the death sentence and overturned three of the convictions of Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. Presumptive Democratic...
Local man eaten by plant that grew from mysterious Chinese seeds
PROVO, UT—A local man, Harry S. Truman (no relation to the president), was eaten alive by the plant that grew...
This Day in ‘Mostly Peaceful’ History: Vietnam War Begins
On July 29, 1965, the first 4,000 paratroopers of the 101st Airborne Division arrive in Vietnam, landing at Cam Ranh...
Vladimir Putin joins Antifa; immediately wins Nobel Peace Prize
MOSCOW—Russian President Vladimir Putin publicly announced his new membership with Antifa and was immediately recognized as one of the world's...
Nike makes sweatshop workers work overtime to stitch ‘Equality’ on NBA jerseys
BEAVERTON, OR—Nike has agreed to force its thousands of sweatshop workers to work overtime for free in order to stitch...
BREAKING: Mayor Lightfoot outlaws shooting people in Chicago
Following increased violence in Chicago with record killings recently, Mayor Lori Lightfoot has decided to take unprecedented measures to protect...
Omar: ‘We must tear down this system of oppression that allows me to say we must tear down this system of oppression’
WASHINGTON DC—US Representative Ilhan Omar (D-MN) has called on the US, “to tear down this system of oppression which has...
Will Smith claims that being called the N-word ruined his life
BEVERLY HILLS--Will Smith has had a life of such hardship and travail, we at GT wanted to investigate the pluck...
Seattle bullies knock down little kids’ fort, take all their soy milk
SEATTLE—Several little kids went home crying to their mommies after some neighborhood bullies knocked down their little fort in the...
