BREAKING: LAPD arrest local vigilantes for stopping arsonists setting fires throughout city 
BREAKING: California rejects Oregon firefighters after their trucks fail smog check 
Brave LAFD hosts Pride Parade in charred Pacific Palisades neighborhood 
NEW LISTING! LUXURY CHARRED REMAINS ESTATE IN PACIFIC PALISADES – REDUCED PRICE AT $2.6 MILLION! WON’T LAST 
California Gov Newsom bans wildfires from state 
Elon Musk sets new world record for not killing himself after revealing Deep State censorship
US—Last month Genesius Times, and News That Matters heralded Elon Musk's new world record for not killing himself after publicly...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Democrats pass law making home invaders announce they are burglars before robbing you
US—Democrats struggling to shake the "light on crime" stigma have passed a sweeping crime reform bill. The new bill, which...
Biden promotes non-binary Brinton to head TSA citing experience stealing women’s luggage
WASHINGTON, DC—A non-binary Biden administration official nuclear waste expert was charged with stealing a traveler’s luggage from the Minneapolis airport...
BREAKING: CIA flubs pathetic assassination attempt on Biden
US—The CIA are getting very rusty. Their pathetic assassination attempt to take out President* Biden ended with five burnt SUVs...
FBI Concerned About Outbreak of Free Speech on Twitter
There’s been an explosion of free speech on Twitter since Musk bought the company, and that has the FBI very...
BREAKING: Ukraine asks for another $41B in aid to fund an audit of the previous $92B in aid
KYIV—Ukrainian Volodymyr Zelensky has asked the United States for an additional $41 billion in aid to pay for an audit...
Local Jewish Man Excited to Learn He Controls Media, Hollywood, Finance Industry, and Legal Profession
It was an ordinary morning for local Jewish man Jacob Weiss. Mr. Weiss, like most Americans, reads the newspaper every...
BREAKING: Pentagon hires Sam Bankman-Fried after proving he can lose money as fast as anyone
US—The Department of Defense has hired embattled cryptocurrency Ponzi schemer Sam Bankman-Fried after he lost $16 billion overnight. "We saw...
GOP to read Constitution aloud on House floor so they know ‘exactly what to ignore when they pass unconstitutional laws later on’
Kevin McCarthy said the entirety of the United States Constitution will be read on the first day of the new...
