Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus 
BREAKING: Biden Sneaks in Pardon for Hunter During Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony 
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me 
Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez releases line of socialist Valentines
The creative art director at the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez staff has been working like an unpaid Democratic staffer in preparation for...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Eminem sacrifices two goats to Moloch in annual Illuminati halftime show
LOS ANGELES—The annual Illuminati initiation ritual, also known as the Super Bowl LVI Halftime show, featured an unprecedented number of...
BREAKING: Biden sends $80B in weapons to Ukraine to leave behind for Russia when we withdraw
WASHINGTON, DC--Following his stellar exit strategy that worked flawlessly in Afghanistan, President* Biden is sending over $80 billion in military-grade...
Trudeau: ‘These fascist truckers are promoting dangerous ideas like ending fascism’
OTTAWA—Snowy but mostly violent protests continue to erupt throughout Canada as white supremacist truckers of all races hold makeshift signs...
BREAKING: Pelosi Bill to Fund Beer Coozie Delivery to Alcoholics
WASHINGTON, DC—Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi proposed a bill today to fund the distribution of beer coozies to alcoholics...
Biden admin to require proof of vaccination to receive free crack
WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden administration has made it clear that proof of full vaccination will be required to receive the administration's...
Struggling Mark Zuckerberg launches GoFundMe page as net worth drops under $100 billion
Mark Zuckerberg has started a GoFundMe donation page as his net worth plummeted to under $100 billion following his company's...
Newsom mandates a 10k-seat ‘Looters Section’ at Superbowl LVI
LOS ANGELES—Spectators paying upwards of $10,000 (yes, you read that right) to watch the LA Rams and Cincinnati Bengals slug...
In major policy win, Biden admin offers $30 million in grants to unload Hunter’s crack pipes
WASHNGTON, DC—In a flagship grant program, titled ”Pipes with the Bidens,” the flailing administration has advanced their most ingenious piece...
Biden HHS giving out free COVID masks with holes for easier crack smoking
WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden Health and Human Services Department is giving away free face masks with holes cut out in a...
