Gavin Newsom unveils ‘totally spontaneous’ plans to rebuild Los Angeles after fires 
JUST IN: Tone deaf pilot has gender reveal party in the midst of LA wildfires 
Woman who got rich from people burning down cities get her mansion burnt down by wildfire 
BREAKING: LAPD arrest local vigilantes for stopping arsonists setting fires throughout city 
BREAKING: California rejects Oregon firefighters after their trucks fail smog check 
BLM activists topple Frederick Douglass statue after learning he voted for Trump
NEW YORK—Black Lives Matter protesters have torn down a statue of 19th century abolitionist Freedrick Douglass after learning that not...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
In effort to be more green, China switches from gas-powered artificial snow makers to 100% slave labor
BEIJING—After several environmentalist groups applied pressure to China about its use of fossil-fuel-powered snow makers to produce snow for the...
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez releases line of socialist Valentines
The creative art director at the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez staff has been working like an unpaid Democratic staffer in preparation for...
Eminem sacrifices two goats to Moloch in annual Illuminati halftime show
LOS ANGELES—The annual Illuminati initiation ritual, also known as the Super Bowl LVI Halftime show, featured an unprecedented number of...
BREAKING: Biden sends $80B in weapons to Ukraine to leave behind for Russia when we withdraw
WASHINGTON, DC--Following his stellar exit strategy that worked flawlessly in Afghanistan, President* Biden is sending over $80 billion in military-grade...
Trudeau: ‘These fascist truckers are promoting dangerous ideas like ending fascism’
OTTAWA—Snowy but mostly violent protests continue to erupt throughout Canada as white supremacist truckers of all races hold makeshift signs...
BREAKING: Pelosi Bill to Fund Beer Coozie Delivery to Alcoholics
WASHINGTON, DC—Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi proposed a bill today to fund the distribution of beer coozies to alcoholics...
Biden admin to require proof of vaccination to receive free crack
WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden administration has made it clear that proof of full vaccination will be required to receive the administration's...
Struggling Mark Zuckerberg launches GoFundMe page as net worth drops under $100 billion
Mark Zuckerberg has started a GoFundMe donation page as his net worth plummeted to under $100 billion following his company's...
Newsom mandates a 10k-seat ‘Looters Section’ at Superbowl LVI
LOS ANGELES—Spectators paying upwards of $10,000 (yes, you read that right) to watch the LA Rams and Cincinnati Bengals slug...
