Nick Saban urges Senate to save college football by returning to paying players under the table 
Trump Confirms Reflecting Pool Filled With 100% Ethically-Sourced Liberal Tears 
BREAKING: Trump’s Refurbished Reflecting Pool Mysteriously Reflects Only His Face 
BREAKING: Becerra Rockets to Top of California Gubernatorial Polls After Debuting Nazi Tattoo 
California Vows To Keep Counting Votes Until Pratt & Hilton Are Eliminated 
In response to Biden-Ukraine-FTX money laundering scandal, Congress to impeach Trump again
US—Rocked by revelations that now-bankrupt cryptocurrency company FTX and Alameda Hedge Fund used Ukrainian aid to donate to Democratic political...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Democrats push Jim Crow 3.0 laws after ‘Jim Crow 2.0’ resulted in record Black voter turnout
US—Democrats are considering Jim Crow 3.0 legislation after being horrified to see 'Jim Crow 2.0' resulted in record Black voter...
BREAKING: NYC celebrates Hochul election by shoving 329 more people onto subway tracks
NEW YORK—New York Gov. Kathy Hochul is projected to win the state’s gubernatorial race, and New York is celebrating in only a way...
BREAKING: Pennsylvania elects first brain-dead Senator
PENNSYLVANIA—In a major defeat for ableism, voters of the Keystone State have elected the first braindead person to Senate, doubling...
BREAKING: White House denies that denying election wins by election deniers is election denial
WASHINGTON, DC—White House Press Secretary Karen Jean-Pierre said that the Biden administration denies that denying election victories of election deniers...
Winner of $2.04 Billion Powerball jackpot announced after technical glitch
US—A single ticket sold in California has won a world record $2.04 billion Powerball jackpot, the Powerball committee declared following...
BREAKING: Officials may need weeks after election to determine how much they need to cheat
US—Results for the highly anticipated midterm elections may not come for days, or weeks, after voting concludes — and that's not a...
Kathy Hochul named U-Haul’s #1 salesman for 2022
NEW YORK—U-Haul has named Governor Kathy Hochul the #1 salesman of the year. It’s not just a few Upper West...
BREAKING: Thousands of liberals hospitalized with severe exposure to free speech on Twitter
US—Hospitals across the country have recently been inundated with patients who have been exposed to a new threatening exposure to...