BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
Elon Musk needs to stop doing amazing things because it’s making us gender studies triple-doctorates feel worthless 
BREAKING: Project 2025 will provide every Trump supporter with laser-shooting velociraptors
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unprecedented move that has left political analysts and citizens alike in a state of euphoric disbelief, the...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Biden says his confusing Zelensky for Putin will not hurt his chances of beating Nixon in November
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a recent press conference, President Joe Biden assured the nation that his recent confusion between Ukrainian...
John Deere changes its name to John Queere
In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, John Deere, the iconic American agricultural machinery manufacturer, has officially changed its...
Gretchen Whitmer sports new name (Whitler) and mustache as she forms one-party dictatorship in Michigan
LANSING, MI—In a stunning display of political innovation and fashion-forward thinking, Governor Gretchen Whitmer has announced her transformation into "Whitler,"...
Republicans vow to write even more strongly-worded letters in retirement if Democrats allow illegals to vote in 2024 election
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold and unprecedented move, a group of Republican congressmen have vowed to up the ante in their...
In order to save democracy we must replace the democratically-nominated candidate with someone no one voted for
In the hallowed tradition of American democracy, where the people's voice is sacrosanct, we face an unprecedented challenge that demands...
White House politely asks enemies to not start WWIII between 4pm and 10am
WASHINGTON, DC—In a move aimed at accommodating President* Biden's cognitive awareness schedule, the White House has formally requested that all...
BREAKING: France surrenders to invading migrants
PARIS—Anxious to finally surrender to someone for the first time in years, the French government has officially announced its surrender...
Rapper 50 Cent changes name to 85 Cent to reflect current inflation
In an unprecedented move, rapper and entrepreneur Curtis Jackson, better known as 50 Cent, has officially changed his stage name...
