Local man dies from plume of neighbor’s disgusting new perfume 
Senators advised not to wear their Qipaos while speaking about China tariffs 
BREAKING: Amy Coney Barrett gets face tattoos in solidarity with MS-13 gang members 
Local dad makes sure kids don’t waste pennies leaving lights on so he can waste thousands in crypto 
BREAKING: People who want to tax cow farts are upset about Trump’s tariffs 
BREAKING: America elects Literally Hitler as president despite Joe Scarborough’s warnings
America has elected "Literally Hitler" as its president, despite numerous warnings from Joe Scarborough and other political commentators. The news...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Joe Biden re-enters presidential race after seeing Kamala Harris lose election
US—Joe Biden has announced that he will re-enter the presidential race after witnessing Kamala Harris's defeat in the 2024 election....
Elon Musk opens salt mines sourced from liberal tears as Trump wins 2024 election
AUSTIN—Elon Musk has revealed that he has opened a new source of salt mines, which he claims are sourced entirely...
WARNING: Call your doctor if your election is painful or lasts longer than 4 days
US—Physicians across the country are recommending a little red pill that does wonders for your election but warn that if...
Several cities boarding up stores in preparation for massive ‘joy’ from Democrats in case Trump wins
PORTLAND—Several liberal cities across the United States have begun boarding up stores in preparation for the massive "joy" from Democrats...
How to Formalize a Family Loan
When money is tight, many people turn to family for help. Whether you need cash for an emergency, a down...
BREAKING: Peanut the squirrel teams up with Harambe to posthumously endorse Donald Trump
NEW YORK—The spirit of Peanut the Squirrel has teamed up with Harambe the gorilla to posthumously endorse former President Donald...
Frustrated SNL Writers Hoping Harris Does Something To Make Fun Of
SNL’s head writer Kahm Eddie Isded has a problem most comedy writers dream of: a Vice President so flawless she’s...
“Who Do I Have To Kill To Get Back On SNL?” Asks Hilarious Alec Baldwin
As Alec Baldwin’s infamous presence resurfaces, speculation mounts over how a man who has faced serious allegations can still confidently...
Biden back to anti-bite collar to protect babies
President* Joe Biden has been spotted wearing his anti-bite collar once again, as concerns grow over his interactions with young...
