BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
Elon Musk needs to stop doing amazing things because it’s making us gender studies triple-doctorates feel worthless 
Pope Francis excommunicates Archbishop Viganò for being ‘too Catholic’
Pope Francis has officially excommunicated Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò for being "too Catholic," leaving the disgraced cleric to fend for...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Obama officially cuts off Biden’s adrenochrome supply
WASHINGTON, DC—Former President Barack Obama has officially announced that he is cutting off President Joe Biden's adrenochrome supply, leaving the...
Biden wishes Americans a happy ‘Dependence Day’
WASHINGTON, DC--Following on his predecessor Barack Obama's tradition, President* Joe Biden wished every American a "Happy Dependence Day" this July...
BREAKING: Biden has been informed that he ‘definitely’ wants to stay in the presidential race
WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning yet not entirely surprising development, President* Joe Biden has confirmed his unwavering commitment to the 2024...
Harris removes racist white stripes from US flag in time for 4th of July
WASHINGTON, DC—Following up on a campaign promise to remove the racist white stripes from the US flag, President Vice President...
BREAKING: Biden Hires Jeffrey Toobin to Help Him Become a “Master Debater”
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold move to enhance his debate skills ahead of the upcoming presidential election, President* Joe Biden has...
Creators of Pride Month launch Extreme Avarice Month in July
US—Working off the success of the wildly popular June Pride Month, creators have launched the sequel, "Extreme Avarice Month" in...
BREAKING: Biden meets with his family to talk about the future of his campaign
BEIJING—In a heartwarming and strategic move, President Joe Biden recently flew to Beijing for a family reunion to discuss the...
Conspiracy Theorists Sue Government for Taking All Their Ideas
US—In an ironic twist of fate, a coalition of conspiracy theorists has filed a lawsuit against the U.S. government, accusing...
BREAKING: Jill Biden arrested for elderly abuse
WILMINGTON, DE—After months of forcing her senior-citizen husband President* Joe Biden into the public spotlight despite his embarrassing declining cognitive inabilities, Jill...
