Biden deploys 2 AT-ATs to defend White House against ‘rebel scum’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has deployed two All Terrain Armored Transport (AT-AT) vehicles to the White House to defend against "rebel...
Jen Psaki
DoD quietly adds new DEFCON levels for Biden food cravings, poopy pants
WASHINGTON, DC—The Office of the Joint Chiefs of Staff has notified media outlets that the Department of Defense has added...
Biden awards velvet ropes the Medal of Freedom for saving democracy during Jan 6 insurrection
WASHINGTON DC- Following its brave defense of freedom during history's darkest moment, the January 6 insurrection, Resident Joe Biden awarded...
BREAKING: Biden to replace Christmas with 12 variants of Coronamas
WASHINGTON, DC—Due to the rise of gas prices, an increase in inflation, and overall economic failure, the the Biden administration...
BREAKING: Biden bans assault breathing; mandates holding breath while in public
WASHINGTON, DC—In the ongoing fight against the deadliest disease ever, President* Joe Biden has outlawed assault breathing and mandated that...
Democrats hold contest to name upcoming election season Covid variants
WASHINGTON DC—With interest in the China Virus declining, Democrats are holding a nationwide contest to name new variants to reinvigorate...
Biden mandates shoving marbles up everyone’s asses after tweet by Nicki Minaj
WASHINGTON, DC--President* Biden has issued a rare edict mandating that all Americans have marbles shoved up their asses to fight...
Biden mandates a forehead tattoo of ‘build back better’ as national vaccine passport
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden announced today that he will be mandating a national vaccine passport in order for people to...
Missing Joe Biden will now be featured on milk cartons
US—Milk carton manufacturers will be featuring a picture of President* Joe Biden on their packaging in an effort to find...
BREAKING: Andrew Cuomo calls for Joe Biden to resign
ALBANY, NY—Just hours after President* Joe Biden called for New York Governor Andrew Cuomo to resign following a report found...
