Biden mandates a forehead tattoo of ‘build back better’ as national vaccine passport
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden announced today that he will be mandating a national vaccine passport in order for people to...
Joe Biden
BREAKING: Biden surrenders to Nazi Germany too
WASHINGTON, DC—After a successful withdrawal and surrender to Taliban forces in Afghanistan, US President* Joe Biden has unilaterally decided to...
Biden orders all rainbow flags flown at half-staff after Taliban cancels UN queer theory classes
WASHINGTON, DC—Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley was appalled to hear that the Taliban cancelled all...
Biden assures Americans trapped in Afghanistan he won’t send any mean tweets
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden finally promised the 10-15,000 Americans still trapped in Afghanistan that they don't need to worry about...
Missing Joe Biden will now be featured on milk cartons
US—Milk carton manufacturers will be featuring a picture of President* Joe Biden on their packaging in an effort to find...
CNN: Q Anon has overtaken Kabul
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—The Q Anon Shaman was seen in pictures taken at the Afghanistan Presidential Palace after he and other white...
BREAKING: Biden rolls out new neck seatbelt mandate
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden announced today a new national mandate for neck seatbelts in all cars for all ages. The...
Apple shuts down child abuse scan project after only finding pictures of Joe Biden
CUPERTINO, CA—Electronics behemoth Apple has announced it is shutting down a brand new program to scan US phones for child...
BREAKING: Andrew Cuomo calls for Joe Biden to resign
ALBANY, NY—Just hours after President* Joe Biden called for New York Governor Andrew Cuomo to resign following a report found...
Charges on Cuomo dropped after he agrees to harass at least 50% transwomen from now on
ALBANY, NY–Just hours after President* Joe Biden and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi called for New York Governor Andrew...
