OPED: It’s okay to be racist if your name is Biden
I don't know who needs to hear this but it's okay to be racist if your name is Biden. This...
Joe Biden
Buttigieg to fix supply chain issues by making all US highways gay
WASHINGTON, DC—Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg pointed to homophobia as the reason for America's current supply chain issues during an appearance on MSDNC's Morning Fellatio on...
Big Bird falls off stage, cancels all appearances following vaccination
US--Big Bird has cancelled all appearances after falling off stage following highly publicized vaccination. The eight-foot two-inch (249 cm) tall...
BREAKING: McAuliff wins Virginia race just before polls open
RICHMOND, VA—In order to avoid post-election confusion like we had in 2020, Virginia Democratic gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe was declared...
CNN: Why napping during climate speeches is good for the environment
(CNN)Taking naps on the job is the new technique to help the environment, science says. So, when the leader of...
CBS cancels World Series due to constant ‘F*** Joe Biden’ chanting in crowd
US—CBS has cancelled the World Series after constant chanting from the crowd disrupted game four. Fans chanted "F*** Joe Biden"...
Biden says he will probably vote for ‘this Brandon guy’ next election
US—Following a recent surge in popularity of a dark horse presidential candidate "Brandon", even sitting President* Joe Biden says that...
New hack for managers to get around pesky sexual harassment laws
US—If you're a pervy middle manager in a Fortune 500 company, you're in luck! Thanks to President* Biden's new vaccine...
BREAKING: Biden to replace unvaxxed soldiers with army of Rachel Levine clones
WASHINGTON, DC—Facing pressure from an increasingly hostile and militaristic China, President* Biden has approved a program to replace all military...
Shoppers already lining up for Black Friday deals outside of cargo ship off California coast
LOS ANGELES—Shoppers have already started lining up for this year's Black Friday deals at beaches across California. They have their...
