Newsom mandates a 10k-seat ‘Looters Section’ at Superbowl LVI
LOS ANGELES—Spectators paying upwards of $10,000 (yes, you read that right) to watch the LA Rams and Cincinnati Bengals slug...
NFL
BREAKING: DC NFL team confirms new name: Washington Communists
WASHINGTON, DC—The Washington National Football League team, which has been nameless since getting rid of their racist Redskins nomenclature has...
NFL relieved that no racist or sexual ‘trash talk’ has ever been used by players
Following revelations of inappropriate remarks in emails by former Raiders' coach Jon Gruden, the NFL has conducted an investigation into...
All positions in new gay NFL will be referred to as ‘tight end’
NEW YORK—After recently announcing that the NFL is gay with new pink sequin uniforms, Commissioner Roger Goodell has made the...
NFL releases new super-gay uniforms
NEW YORK—Doubling down on their "Football is gay" message, the NFL has released its new super-gay uniforms for the 2021...
Every NFL team has selected Joe Biden as their first pick in 2021 NFL Draft
CLEVELAND--Each year there are some big surprises in the NFL Draft but no one was ready for this year when...
President Biden declares Eagles Superbowl LV Champs by executive order
WASHINGTON, DC—At 5AM Eastern Time today President-Elect Biden issued another executive order, declaring the Philadelphia Eagles the Super Bowl Champions...
CNN creates list of NFL teams who have not ‘acknowledged the Eagles are Superbowl LV Champions’
Yesterday, Brianna Keilar, the host of CNN's "Right Now" put up a list of NFL teams who have not publicly,...
Fox declares Philadelphia Eagles Superbowl LV champions
TAMPA, FL—With nearly three months to go before Superbowl LV, Fox News has declared the Philadelphia Eagles the winners. The...
NFL plays anthem for every ethnicity on Earth before first game to promote unity
In response to the increased racial tension in America, the NFL opened its first game with the white national anthem,...
