Lori Lightfoot blames Chicago gun violence on gas pumps failing to print receipts
Just today, Mayor of Chicago Lori Lightfoot reveals the exact cause of the mass murders going on in her city...
Year: 2020
Local man eaten by plant that grew from mysterious Chinese seeds
PROVO, UT—A local man, Harry S. Truman (no relation to the president), was eaten alive by the plant that grew...
Obama admits what’s happening in America today was precisely the ‘change’ he was talking about
GT's slogan reporters, Theresa Tripe and Clarice Claptrap have been busy digging up some of the slogans President Barack Obama...
This Day in ‘Mostly Peaceful’ History: Vietnam War Begins
On July 29, 1965, the first 4,000 paratroopers of the 101st Airborne Division arrive in Vietnam, landing at Cam Ranh...
BREAKING: Biden replaces Secret Service detail with super friendly social workers
WASHINGTON DC--A longtime proponent of "redirecting" police funds, presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden is putting his money where his...
Mayor Lightfoot takes full responsibility for blaming others for Chicago’s problems
CHICAGO—Mayor Lori Lightfoot minced no words as she took full responsibility for blaming other people for Chicago's problems. After her...
Ellen Degeneres claims lynching of staff members does not constitute a hostile work environment
Ellen Degeneres may be the most likeable and affable daytime talk show host who has ever lived. Ever. But over...
NBA to replace ‘all that basketball stuff’ with a 60-minute virtue signaling competition
ORLANDO—The NBA season is set to resume next week in Orlando, Florida, and the league’s court is ready for what...
Fauci mandates masks for all bullets to prevent COVID-related gunshot wounds
The effort to stop yet another disease from our friends at The People's Republic of China has taken on a...
Vladimir Putin joins Antifa; immediately wins Nobel Peace Prize
MOSCOW—Russian President Vladimir Putin publicly announced his new membership with Antifa and was immediately recognized as one of the world's...
