Year: 2022
BREAKING: Walmart ends COVID-era pants mandate following federal ruling
BENTONVILLE, AR--Walmart have lifted COVID-19-related mandates requiring pants in the store for all customers and employees following a federal judge's...
White House: Biden’s hands identify as separate personality dubbed ‘Handsy’
WASHINGTON, DC—Psychologists say, after years of repression, it looks like President Biden has developed split personality disorder. A representative from...
General Mills says Lucky Charms ‘contaminant’ is actually 100% organic Leprechaun feces
MINNEAPOLIS—General Mills, the makers of the ‘Lucky Charms’ cereal, are reassuring their customers that the blame for any contamination of...
DC Mayor to Texas Gov: ‘How dare you send illegals to my city that openly welcomes them!’
WASHINGTON, DC—Mayor Muriel Bowser blasted Texas Governor Greg Abbott for bussing illegal immigrants to the nation's capital. "How dare you...
BREAKING: DC erects border wall around city to keep Texas from sending illegal immigrants there
WASHINGTON, DC—Mayor Muriel "Bow Wow" Bowser has erected a border wall around the perimeter of the nation's capital to keep...
I’m going on a hunger strike if Elon Musk takes over Twitter
I haven't written in a few months because I've been paralyzed with fear that my lone outlet in the world...
Biden blames Brooklyn mass shooting on black white supremacy
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has blamed white supremacy for an incident in which a black man killed 10 and injured 19...
POLL: Cancelling student debt popular among people with absolutely worthless degrees
US—A new Pew Pew Institute poll shows the socialist concept of cancelling student debt promoted by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth...
SCIENCE: CIS men are actually transmen trapped in the bodies of transwomen-the most oppressed group ever
ST. LOUIS—In a new Pew Pew study that will surely lead to the self-immolation of thousands of social justice warriors,...
