AOC asks Putin for small part of Ukraine to start her utopia in
BROOKLYN—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has asked Russian despot Putin for a small part of the Ukraine she’s had her eye on for...
Gumpers
‘Longshot Louie’ puts 1.3M on Ukraine at 40 to 1 in Vegas
LAS VEGAS—Bettors are moving on pre-war odds in the Ukraine - Russian conflict. As troop movements develop, Caesars betting manager,...
Biden playing Risk nonstop in Oval Office to prepare for Ukraine conflict
WASHINGTON, DC—Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Mark Milley set up a game of Risk in the Oval Office, to help...
Putin says it’s too late to invade because his favorite show ‘1883’ is starting in 15 minutes
MOSCOW—President Putin’s motorcade pushed through rush hour traffic as he hurried home to catch the season finale of his favorite...
Modern Führer magazine gives Trudeau 4 Fuhrers
NEW YORK—Modern Führer Magazine’s March issue focuses on emerging Führer, Canada’s, Justin Trudeau. The son of late dictator, Pierre Trudeau...
BREAKING: After consulting trusted advisors, Biden now says Ukraine will invade Russia any day now
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden, after spending almost two hours alone, at his Oval Office desk, consulting (babbling aimlessly) with his closest...
Putin promises will only leave a few tourist buses behind near the Ukraine border
MOSCOW—Russian President Putin assured the Western powers that his troops are leaving the Ukraine border. “The high-season is coming and...
King Justin and Queen Sophie of Canada receive the head of trucker Rolf Wolfmanson: ‘Mostly symbolic’
ONTARIO—King Justin Trudeau and Queen Sophie graciously received the head of trucker protester, Rolf Wolfmanson at court. Wolfmanson was one...
Ukraine troops wash, wax, vacuum tanks; get ready for capture
UKRAINE—Major General Victor Nikolyuk, Northern Commander ordered all Ukrainian armored vehicles to be vacuumed and washed. “When the Russians capture...
Newsom mandates a 10k-seat ‘Looters Section’ at Superbowl LVI
LOS ANGELES—Spectators paying upwards of $10,000 (yes, you read that right) to watch the LA Rams and Cincinnati Bengals slug...
