BREAKING: Travel bans aren’t racist anymore
WASHINGTON, DC—Officials have declared that it is no longer racist to restrict travel from Africa after President* Joe Biden restricted...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
FBI drops terrorism case on Waukesha killer after learning he never protested a school board
WASHINGTON, DC—The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has dropped its domestic terrorism case against the Waukesha Christmas parade killer after...
Biden blames white supremacy for black man mowing down Waukesha whites
WAUKESHA, WI—President* Joe Biden has blamed white supremacy for an incident in which a black man mowed down dozens of...
CNN: Austere musician mostly peacefully plows down 5 in Christmas parade
(CNN) At least five people have mostly peacefully died and 40 are injured after an austere musician plowed into a...
BREAKING: Prosecutor Binger crowned Miss Trial 2021
KENOSHA, WI—Prosecutor Thomas Binger was crowned Miss Trial of 2021 and will be given the rest of his career off...
BLM looking forward to some early Black Friday looting following Rittenhouse acquittal
KENOSHA, WI—Black Lives Matter activists across the country are looking forward to some early Black Friday looting once Kyle Rittenhouse...
CNN: Biden to ensure this supply chain stays open
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden is working nonstop to combat the supply chain issues that President* Biden is creating. But he has...
Gates warns he will release smallpox if people don’t get COVID vaccine
SEATTLE—Tech founder and worldwide supervillain Bill Gates says that he will release the deadliest disease known to man—smallpox—if people don’t get vaccinated...
Rittenhouse agrees to help with medical in the riots after his acquittal
KENOSHA, WI—Kyle Rittenhouse, defendant in the 2020 self-defense case, has promised to help out with medical support in the riots...
Failed presidential candidate ‘Beto’ launches gubernatorial ‘Beta’ campaign
EL PASO—If at first you don’t succeed, try failing again. That’s the unofficial motto for Robert O’Rourke's Texas gubernatorial campaign after his...
