Lightfoot urges all Chicagoans to get vaccinated to keep everyone safe while shooting each other this weekend
CHICAGO—Mayor Lori Lightfoot made a public announcement, urging Chicagoans to get the COVID vaccine to keep everyone safe while they...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Kansas City Chiefs QB Mahomes demands team change name to KC White CEOs
KANSAS CITY, MO—Chiefs Quarterback Patrick Mahomes has left training camp and says he will "not play another down in the...
BREAKING: Dozens shocked that Democrat lawmakers won’t be held accountable
US—Dozens of people around the globe were shocked today to learn that multiple Democratic lawmakers won't be held accountable for...
FBI: ‘Our top priority is keeping citizens safe from violent plots devised by us’
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has assured citizens that their "top priority is keeping citizens safe from violent plots devised by the...
Experts confused why COVID cases are spiking in areas they’re sending untested immigrants
US—Health experts are utterly confused as to why cases of the deadly COVID virus are spiking in places they are...
BREAKING: Biden designates the American flag a white supremacist hate symbol
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has designated the current American flag and all its predecessors as a hate symbol after seeing...
Brave US women’s soccer team kneels during entire Olympic match, loses 303-0
TOKYO—In perhaps the bravest virtue signaling to date, the entire US women's soccer team took a knee during before their...
Biden officially renames White House Press Secretary ‘Miss Information’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has officially renamed the White House Press Secretary position "Miss Information" in order to better align with...
Shocking poll: 1% believe the crazy conspiracy theory that Biden got 81 million votes
US—A surprisingly high 1% of the US population believe the wild conspiracy theory that Joe Biden got 81 million votes...
Facebook officially changes its name to Fascebook
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—To better align with its core principles, social media giant Facebook is changing its name to Fascebook. Users...
