BREAKING: Chiefs win Super Bowl LV after scoring 6 touchdowns at 4 am when no one was watching
TAMPA BAY—The Kansas City Chiefs, along with the rest of the world, thought they had lost Super Bowl LV when...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BLM promises to ‘burn the whole motherf***er down’ if they don’t win the Nobel Peace Prize
WASHINGTON, DC—Black Lives Matter protestors took to the streets over the weekend after it was announced they were nominated for...
WOOPS: Puppet strings visible during Biden’s latest executive order signing
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has been no stranger to gaffs from the campaign to his adorable inability to put a pen...
Tlaib wins Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood
HOLLYWOOD—Representative Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) praised Allah in her acceptance speech after winning the Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood yesterday. The...
David Hogg launches MyPillow competition: MyDillow for small, mousy men
Parkland school shooting survivor and gun control advocate David Hogg plans to launch his own pillow company to compete with...
BREAKING: AOC recalls barely making it out alive of Ewok siege on Endor base
FOREST MOON—A teary-eyed Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) on Monday recounted the horrifying events during the Ewok siege of the Galactic...
Disney releases new blockbuster: Ocacchio
NO BUENO VISTA, CA—Disney Corporation is capitalizing on the wonderful life of congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (also known as Alexandria Ocasio-Smollett)...
BREAKING: Biden ends mass discussion about ‘Kids in cages’
THE BORDER—The great humanitarian Joe Biden has overturned the horrible Trump immigration policy of "kids in cages" that the Obama...
Groundhog Day: Fauci sees his shadow so there will be 6 more weeks of quarantine
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA—Anthony Fauci saw his shadow Tuesday, predicting six more weeks of quarantine. No one can question the veracity of...
BREAKING: Biden threatens to stop Iran’s nuclear weapon program by giving them $180 billion
WASHINGTON, DC—In a show of foreign policy muscle, President Joe Biden threatened to stop the progressing Iranian nuclear weapon program...
