BREAKING: Newsom declares state of emergency after Russia destroys several California cities
SACRAMENTO—The Russian offensive in Ukraine has spread to California as several cities have been utterly destroyed. California Governor Gavin Newsom...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Dead rabid fox who bit Democrats surges to lead in 2024 presidential poll
WASHINGTON, DC—The mother fox that bit at least nine Democrats near the U.S. Capitol and was euthanized shortly after has...
BREAKING: Disney buys ‘Epstein Island’ for new kids-only theme park
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—Disney has purchased the controversial island owned by convicted pedophile and sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. The company...
BREAKING: Pelosi tests positive for COVID but is asymptomatic due to all the alcohol in her blood
WASHINGTON, DC—House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has tested positive for COVID-19, according to a statement the California Democrat released Thursday, but...
Biden’s puppet master revealed in heartwarming White House ceremony
WASHINGTON, DC—In a rare White House ceremony, the puppet master for President* Joe Biden was revealed to the world as...
BREAKING: Colorado mandates everyone in the state has at least one abortion a year
DENVER—In response to the anti-abortion bill in Oklahoma, Colorado legislators have passed a bill mandating that every Coloradan get at...
CNN: Elon Musk could threaten free speech on Twitter by literally allowing people to speak freely
(CNN) Elon Musk became the largest shareholder of Twitter on Monday, which could threaten free speech on the platform by...
BREAKING: New York to pay pedophiles $100k to relocate to NYC from Florida
NEW YORK—Mayor Eric Adams has launched a new campaign to lure pedophiles and groomers to the city following the passage...
BREAKING: New York passes ‘Don’t Say Biology’ bill
NEW YORK—In response to the Florida legislation dubbed the "Don't Say Gay" bill, New York has passed the "Don't Say...
BREAKING: Biden makes April Fool’s Day an official US holiday, extends it to end of the year
WASHINGTON, DC—Despite efforts to cancel April Fool's Day because reality is so ridiculous, President* Joe Biden has made it a...
