BREAKING: Biden FDA approves emergency use authorization of crack as COVID treatment
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden's Food & Drug Administration Commissioner Hunter Biden has fast-tracked the emergency use authorization for smoking crack as...
Business
Oprah explains to Whoopi how real power is when white people can’t fire you
NEW YORK—Whoopi Goldberg, after being suspended from her job at ABC’s ‘The View’ met with Oprah to vent about the...
Subway hires Megan Rapinoe as Sandwich Artist after she was cut from US Women’s Team
US—Outspoken soccer star Megan Rapinoe was cut from the U.S. Women’s National Team roster for the upcoming SheBelieves Cup. But...
GoFundMe changes its name to GoF***Me
SILLICON VALLEY, CA—Charitable giving platform GoFundMe is changing its name to GoF***Me after receiving some bad press over the Canadian...
BREAKING: Milli Vanilli announce they are pulling someone else’s music from Spotify
HOLLYWOOD—Following the Joe Rogan controversy, the popular band Milli Vanilli have announced that they are pulling someone else's music from...
BREAKING: DC NFL team confirms new name: Washington Communists
WASHINGTON, DC—The Washington National Football League team, which has been nameless since getting rid of their racist Redskins nomenclature has...
BREAKING: Trump buys Ukraine, renames it ‘MyKraine’ in unprecedented peace deal
KYIV, MYKRAINE—In what is being described as the “Really Big Deal”, President Donald Trump held a press conference this morning...
Apple releases blatantly racist ‘man stealing watermelon’ emoji
CUPERTINO, CA—Tech giant Apple just released a blatantly racist "man stealing watermelon" emoji, according to sources. "I don't know who...
Truckers identify as illegal immigrants to sidestep Biden vaccine mandate
BALLSCOLD, MN—Canadian and Mexican truckers entering the US through their respective borders are now identifying as illegal immigrants to sidestep...
M&M’s releases new woke M&LGBTQIAM’s
HACKETSTOWN, NJ—M&M's chocolate candy is going woke with new, inclusive M&LGBTQIAM's with a unique filling: actual sh*t. Mars Wrigley Group,...
