Portland ups the ante: 2 free hits of crack with vaccine card
PORTLAND, OR—The City of Portland is upping the crack rock ante in its COVID-19 vaccine push, doubling the number of...
Culture
‘Why are you so selfish?’ asks woman demanding others inject themselves with experimental drug to make her feel safe
PITTSBURGH, PA—While on her way to a local school board meeting to force children to wear face masks, local woman...
Introducing Taliban Barbie with hijab, Quran, and a forced marriage license!
Toy maker Mattel has introduced a wonderful toy for all the girls and boys who identify as girls out there:...
CNN: Taliban conducts mostly peaceful beheadings, rapes after retaking Afghanistan
(CNN) Afghanistan citizens face mostly peaceful executions, beheadings, and violent rapes of adolescent women as the Taliban sweeps across the...
Schwarzenegger stars in new film as cyborg sent back to kill off humanity with mass vaccination program
HOLLYWOOD—Former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is back on the big screen this summer, staring in a new Terminator film called The...
Gen Z now demanding participation trophies for not participating
Washington, D.C. is on the verge of becoming the first major U.S. city to give Gen Z a participation trophy...
New Dr. Sucher: ‘If You’re Born with a Dick, You ARE NOT a Chick’
ABERDEEN, WA—It's hard to imagine after so many Dr. Seuss books being banned for bigotry that this new edition will...
BREAKING: Andrew Cuomo calls for Joe Biden to resign
ALBANY, NY—Just hours after President* Joe Biden called for New York Governor Andrew Cuomo to resign following a report found...
Charges on Cuomo dropped after he agrees to harass at least 50% transwomen from now on
ALBANY, NY–Just hours after President* Joe Biden and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi called for New York Governor Andrew...
Local Branch Covidian waterboards himself trying to drink vaccine through his mask
US—A local member of the Branch Covidian sect of Fauciism, David Jackaski is in the hospital today after accidentally waterboarding...
