BREAKING: The Dallas Mavericks secede from the United States
DALLAS—NBA team the Dallas Mavericks, led by owner Mark Cuban, have seceded from the United States. Cuban on Tuesday told...
Culture
To be more inclusive, Disney fires only woman on ‘The Mandalorian’
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—In an effort to be more inclusive, Disney has fired Gina Carano, the only female on their...
David Hogg releases line of woke bedding including the BLM ‘Burn It Down’ pillow
Anti freedom activists and omnipresent media generated expert on all things David Hogg has decided to put conservative business owner...
BLM promises to ‘burn the whole motherf***er down’ if they don’t win the Nobel Peace Prize
WASHINGTON, DC—Black Lives Matter protestors took to the streets over the weekend after it was announced they were nominated for...
Satan follows Big Tech’s lead, bans Trump from Hell
HADES—Today, Satan tweeted out that, effective immediately, Trump and his supporters will be banned from every circle of Hell. "Effective...
Tlaib wins Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood
HOLLYWOOD—Representative Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) praised Allah in her acceptance speech after winning the Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood yesterday. The...
President Biden declares Eagles Superbowl LV Champs by executive order
WASHINGTON, DC—At 5AM Eastern Time today President-Elect Biden issued another executive order, declaring the Philadelphia Eagles the Super Bowl Champions...
Disney releases new blockbuster: Ocacchio
NO BUENO VISTA, CA—Disney Corporation is capitalizing on the wonderful life of congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (also known as Alexandria Ocasio-Smollett)...
Greta Thunberg wins Nobel Prize for her role in Black Lives Matter
STOCKHOLM—The Nobel Committee has proven that they are not racist by giving the Nobel Peace Prize to Greta Thunberg for...
Walmart now offering free COVID anal swabs before shopping
BENTONVILLE, AR—In the interest of making the shopping experience for everyone as safe as can be, Walmart Supercenters will now...
