BREAKING: Virginia legalizes rapes by men who wear skirts
RICHMOND, VA—Governor Ralph Northam signed the most progressive sexual assault bill in the country today as Virginia legalized rapes for...
Education
Harvard elects first brainless man as provost
In an unprecedented move, the elite Ivy League university has selected a man without a brain to lead the school's...
Nursing schools add vital Tik Tok dancing classes to 2021 curricula
US—Nursing schools across the country have added the important and vital Tik Tok dancing classes to their curricula in order...
New Dr. Sucher: ‘If You’re Born with a Dick, You ARE NOT a Chick’
ABERDEEN, WA—It's hard to imagine after so many Dr. Seuss books being banned for bigotry that this new edition will...
Biden officially renames White House Press Secretary ‘Miss Information’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has officially renamed the White House Press Secretary position "Miss Information" in order to better align with...
My glasses won’t work unless you wear yours
I don't know who needs to hear this but everyone needs to wear glasses, even if they don't need them...
‘I have never but once prayed to God: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And He granted it.’
I have some great quotes but this one is probably the best! "I have never made but one prayer to...
Harris/Biden administration to transfer all student debt to people who never went to college
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President* Kamala Harris made a bold promise today, promising to make everyone who has paid off their student...
Netflix releases new documentary on January 6 riot ‘AOC: Defending the Capitol’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The online media giant Netflix has released a new documentary on the January 6th riot in Washington, DC...
Biden finally finishes reading governing instruction manual 1984
WASHINGTON, DC—President-elect Joe Biden has finally finished reading the bestselling governing how-to manual "Nineteen Eighty-Four" and has already started implementing...
