Big Bird falls off stage, cancels all appearances following vaccination
US--Big Bird has cancelled all appearances after falling off stage following highly publicized vaccination. The eight-foot two-inch (249 cm) tall...
Education
MasterClass announces new offering: Alec Baldwin Teaches Gun Safety
HOLLYWOOD—MasterClass always chooses the best people for their classes. Like when they chose Paul Krugman to teach economics. That was...
BREAKING: Virginia legalizes rapes by men who wear skirts
RICHMOND, VA—Governor Ralph Northam signed the most progressive sexual assault bill in the country today as Virginia legalized rapes for...
Harvard elects first brainless man as provost
In an unprecedented move, the elite Ivy League university has selected a man without a brain to lead the school's...
Nursing schools add vital Tik Tok dancing classes to 2021 curricula
US—Nursing schools across the country have added the important and vital Tik Tok dancing classes to their curricula in order...
New Dr. Sucher: ‘If You’re Born with a Dick, You ARE NOT a Chick’
ABERDEEN, WA—It's hard to imagine after so many Dr. Seuss books being banned for bigotry that this new edition will...
Biden officially renames White House Press Secretary ‘Miss Information’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has officially renamed the White House Press Secretary position "Miss Information" in order to better align with...
My glasses won’t work unless you wear yours
I don't know who needs to hear this but everyone needs to wear glasses, even if they don't need them...
‘I have never but once prayed to God: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And He granted it.’
I have some great quotes but this one is probably the best! "I have never made but one prayer to...
Harris/Biden administration to transfer all student debt to people who never went to college
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President* Kamala Harris made a bold promise today, promising to make everyone who has paid off their student...
