CDC releases new ‘mood ring’ that tells what COVID variant you have
ATLANTA—The US Centers for Disease Control and Promotion (CDC) are experts at science and all the science-y things. They come...
Health
CNN to report on the thousands of people not shot in Chicago over the weekend
(CNN)—We at CNN have a new policy in which, instead of reporting on the number of people shot and killed...
Due to supply chain shortages Chick-fil-A changes name to Cat-fil-A
ATLANTA—Due to supply chain issues across the US, the largest fast casual restaurant chain, Chik-fil-A, is changing its name to...
Generous Americans donate their vaccines to undocumented immigrants
US—Millions of generous Americans are forgoing their COVID vaccines to make sure that the millions of undocumented immigrants pouring in...
Fauci cancels Christmas so he won’t have to go back to North Pole to make toys
WASHINGTON, DC—Chief medical adviser to US President* Joe Biden, diminutive Dr. Anthony Fauci has decided to cancel Christmas this year...
BREAKING: Biden to replace Christmas with 12 variants of Coronamas
WASHINGTON, DC—Due to the rise of gas prices, an increase in inflation, and overall economic failure, the the Biden administration...
Disney recasts Star Wars with Fauci as Princess Leia
HOLLYWOOD—This Christmas, Disney has a treat for us: the re-re-release of Star Wars with Dr. Anthony Fauci staring as Princess...
Biden hiring unemployed Antifa activists as National Socialist Vaccine Police
WASHINGTON, DC—Nothing says "anti-fascism" quite like enforcing the medical tyranny of a Deep State puppet! That's what thousands of newly...
Australians shocked to wake up in concentration camps after giving up their guns
DARWIN–Thousands of Australians were shocked to find themselves in concentration camps just a few short years after giving up their...
BREAKING: US proposes new lockdown to stop the Omicron variant
US—Citizens across the US proposed new lockdown measures in the face of the scary-sounding Omicron coronavirus variant. "It's pretty clear...
