BREAKING: Man in critical condition after contracting severe case of whiteness
NEW YORK CITY—A man was sent to the hospital in critical condition earlier today after contracting a severe case of...
Health
Biden makes Dr. Rachel Levine all-time Miss America
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has named transgender HHS Assistant Secretary Dr. Rachel Levine the all-time Miss America winner, making it...
Get a lobotomy and other ways you can celebrate the 1st anniversary of ’15 Days to Flatten the Curve’
US—It's been one whole year since our health experts told us we would only need to lockdown society and ruin...
BREAKING: White House schedules Biden’s first State of the Union speech for shortly after he dies
WASHINGTON, DC—The White House has scheduled President Biden's first State of the Union speech to be delivered to a joint...
Biden signs executive order banning all viruses and diseases on Earth
WASHINGTON, DC—In what many are hailing as nothing short of a miracle, President Biden signed an executive order today banning...
AOC orders her steaks medium because large steaks aren’t eco-friendly
BROOKLYN—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) does not mess around when she goes out to eat. She is fully masked and she...
Woman with ‘My Body My Choice’ shirt freaks out about Texas ending mask mandate
AUSTIN—A woman with a “My Body My Choice” shirt has been stationed at the Texas governor's mansion screaming at Governor...
Study finds people have a 475% higher risk of dying from socialism than COVID-19
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Researchers at the National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER) in Cambridge, MA published an exhaustive study conducted over the...
Cuomo wins Al-Qaeda’s ‘Jihadi of the Year’ prize for killing 3x more Americans than 9/11
MIDDLE EAST—Emmy winner and New York Governor Andrew Cuomo scored another award this week as Al-Qaeda honored him with their...
BREAKING: Biden promises to end Alzheimer’s by 2008
WASHINGTON, DC—For those still maintaining any doubts about his cognitive and mental state, the following should clear things up: in...
