Fauci Orders ‘No Sex Until AIDS is Cured’
WASHINGTON, DC—As states begin easing back on lockdown restrictions, Dr. Anthony Fauci is now pushing for new draconian measures to...
Health
Come And Take It—Stairs
Biden and the Democrats are set to introduce common sense stair regulations after it's become clear that they are too...
Biden blames fall on wind from Putin blowing him a kiss from Russia
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden blamed his fall while climbing Air Force One's stairs on Russian President Vladimir Putin blowing him...
White House staff confused about who’s still peeing on the floors after Biden’s dogs were removed
WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office...
BREAKING: Man in critical condition after contracting severe case of whiteness
NEW YORK CITY—A man was sent to the hospital in critical condition earlier today after contracting a severe case of...
Biden makes Dr. Rachel Levine all-time Miss America
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has named transgender HHS Assistant Secretary Dr. Rachel Levine the all-time Miss America winner, making it...
Get a lobotomy and other ways you can celebrate the 1st anniversary of ’15 Days to Flatten the Curve’
US—It's been one whole year since our health experts told us we would only need to lockdown society and ruin...
BREAKING: White House schedules Biden’s first State of the Union speech for shortly after he dies
WASHINGTON, DC—The White House has scheduled President Biden's first State of the Union speech to be delivered to a joint...
Biden signs executive order banning all viruses and diseases on Earth
WASHINGTON, DC—In what many are hailing as nothing short of a miracle, President Biden signed an executive order today banning...
AOC orders her steaks medium because large steaks aren’t eco-friendly
BROOKLYN—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) does not mess around when she goes out to eat. She is fully masked and she...
