Local man eaten by plant that grew from mysterious Chinese seeds
PROVO, UT—A local man, Harry S. Truman (no relation to the president), was eaten alive by the plant that grew...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: Biden replaces Secret Service detail with super friendly social workers
WASHINGTON DC--A longtime proponent of "redirecting" police funds, presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden is putting his money where his...
Having not found 5 righteous people in Chicago, Trump orders a surge of fire and brimstone
President Donald Trump, having not found even 5 righteous people in the city of Chicago, announced plans Wednesday to send...
BREAKING: Mayor Lightfoot outlaws shooting people in Chicago
Following increased violence in Chicago with record killings recently, Mayor Lori Lightfoot has decided to take unprecedented measures to protect...
Bill Gates infuriated that they keep coming up with cheap cures to his coronavirus bioweapon
REDMOND, WA—Billionaire and Bond Supervillain Bill Gates is incresingly infuriated that doctors and health practitioners keep coming up with simple...
Seattle bullies knock down little kids’ fort, take all their soy milk
SEATTLE—Several little kids went home crying to their mommies after some neighborhood bullies knocked down their little fort in the...
Mayor Lightfoot assures us all 300 killed this year in Chicago will be able to vote by mail in November
Another 125 people were shot in Chicago over the weekend with 18 more dying. Mayor Lori Lightfoot says that people...
Sting now homeless after The Police are defunded
LONDON—Musician Sting is the latest victim of the "Defund the Police" movement. "The Police need to be cancelled" said activist...
Chicago criminals promise to stop killing everyone if the city defunds the police
CHICAGO—Hardened criminals and ruthless killers across the Chicagoland area vowed to stop being bad if the police were defunded. 'Defund...
BREAKING: Political rallies are unsafe again
TULSA--After a month of political rallies being good for the public health because they help to fight COVID-19 in some...
