BREAKING: US military to accept people who identify as good soldiers but are biologically no-skill fat slobs
WASHINGTON, DC—In a brave path forward under the Biden administration, the Pentagon is set to eliminate all discrimination in the...
Politics
BREAKING: Arkansas is first state to allow minors to cut off their arms if they identify as a T-Rex
LITTLE ROCK, AR--Governor Asa Hutchinson on Monday signed legislation Monday that made Arkansas the first state to allow minors to...
John Kerry seen unloading private jet from transport jet en route to Climate Conference
President Biden's Climate Czar John Kerry was accused by critics of attempting to stage a photo op on Saturday after...
MLB changes name to Baseball League Matters in response to protest
ATLANTA—Major League Baseball (MLB) has changed its name to Baseball League Matters (BLM) in response to the protest of its...
Lightfoot reminds Chicagoans to mask up this weekend to keep everyone safe while shooting each other
CHICAGO—Mayor Lori Lightfoot made a public announcement, reminding Chicagoans to wear a mask this weekend to keep everyone safe while...
IDs are racist except when they’re for buying a gun, flying, driving, adopting a pet…
I don't know what bigots need to hear this but IDs (ie identification cards) are purely racist tools of CIS-gender-normative...
AOC slams long lines at McDonald’s as ‘diner suppression’
NEW YORK—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (Socialist-NY) took to Twitter today accusing McDonald’s of ‘diner suppression’ over long waiting lines at the...
Biden: ‘I’m very excited to have Transformers in the US Military’
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden was excited to hear that, "the US Military would be allowing Transformers to serve," overturning a...
Biden cancels April Fool’s Day because it marginalizes Democrats
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has officially cancelled April Fool's Day because it promotes the continued marginalization of his voters. "April...
GOP to hold hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican lawmakers have scheduled a hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings, sources say. "We have...
