BREAKING: Joe Biden gets stuck sniffing woman who used Gorilla Glue for hairspray
BATON ROUGE, LA—TikToker Tessica Brown thought she had seen the end of her problems after uploading a video in which...
Science
Fauci orders wall of masks built around all federal buildings
WASHINGTON, DC—Latest guidelines from the CDC require walls of N95 masks constructed around all buildings to keep the population safe...
Groundhog Day: Fauci sees his shadow so there will be 6 more weeks of quarantine
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA—Anthony Fauci saw his shadow Tuesday, predicting six more weeks of quarantine. No one can question the veracity of...
Walmart now offering free COVID anal swabs before shopping
BENTONVILLE, AR—In the interest of making the shopping experience for everyone as safe as can be, Walmart Supercenters will now...
Local girls HS team gets new recruit after Biden signs trans rights executive order
The local girls high school basketball team got a surprise new recruit following President Biden's new transgender rights executive order...
Nadler says 2 or 3 sets of underwear are safer
WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Jerry Nadler (D-NY) now agrees with the CDC that two or three sets of underwear are safer in...
Plastic bags are the new double face masks
"Plastic bagging" is a sensible and easy way to virtue signal to your fashionable death Many of us who watched...
BREAKING: Virus deaths no longer the fault of the president
WASHINGTON, DC—Following Joe Biden's presidential inauguration, the media announced that deaths attributed to the China Virus are no longer the...
BREAKING: Biden to build wall along entire coastline to fight rising sea levels
Washington, DC—Joe Biden signaled that the environment will be at the heart of the next administration as he unveiled a...
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez suggests nuking sun at night when it’s colder to fight climate change
NEW YORK CITY—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took the internet by storm today when she suggested that the federal government should nuke...
