China pinky-promises to lower carbon emissions by 2069
BEIJING—Xi Jinping and all of his advisors have pinky-promised to lower their country’s emissions by the year 2069. The promise...
Science
STUDY: Face masks that completely prevent you from breathing are the most effective against COVID
There are now so many ways to prevent COVID-19 from spreading it's a wonder we hear about it any more....
BREAKING: AOC invents non-electronic Email
In what will be known as the greatest invention of all time, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY) has invented...
People very eager to get multiple shots of new Russian COVID vaccine
MOSCOW—Russia plans to approve the world’s first COVID-19 vaccine in under two weeks – despite concerns about its safety and...
PETITION to have the first batch of COVID-19 vaccine shoved up Bill Gates’s ass
Fighting misinformation and conspiracy theories about the novel coronavirus has almost been as hard as battling the pandemic itself. And a new...
Local man goes to church and instantly owns a million libs
Jonathan Johnson had had enough. After spending a typical Sunday morning sitting on his couch while watching liberal mayors and...
Local woman narrowly avoids giving herself COVID driving alone in the country
A local woman who wished to go by the name Karen only narrowly avoided giving herself COVID-19 while driving alone...
Local man eaten by plant that grew from mysterious Chinese seeds
PROVO, UT—A local man, Harry S. Truman (no relation to the president), was eaten alive by the plant that grew...
Fauci mandates masks for all bullets to prevent COVID-related gunshot wounds
The effort to stop yet another disease from our friends at The People's Republic of China has taken on a...
Fauci: ‘Face masks aren’t necessary if you put your hands like this’
WASHINGTON—Tippy top infectious disease expert and America's doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci has released new guidelines for wearing masks in public...
