PETITION to have the first batch of COVID-19 vaccine shoved up Bill Gates’s ass
Fighting misinformation and conspiracy theories about the novel coronavirus has almost been as hard as battling the pandemic itself. And a new...
Science
Local man goes to church and instantly owns a million libs
Jonathan Johnson had had enough. After spending a typical Sunday morning sitting on his couch while watching liberal mayors and...
Local woman narrowly avoids giving herself COVID driving alone in the country
A local woman who wished to go by the name Karen only narrowly avoided giving herself COVID-19 while driving alone...
Local man eaten by plant that grew from mysterious Chinese seeds
PROVO, UT—A local man, Harry S. Truman (no relation to the president), was eaten alive by the plant that grew...
Fauci mandates masks for all bullets to prevent COVID-related gunshot wounds
The effort to stop yet another disease from our friends at The People's Republic of China has taken on a...
Fauci: ‘Face masks aren’t necessary if you put your hands like this’
WASHINGTON—Tippy top infectious disease expert and America's doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci has released new guidelines for wearing masks in public...
Cuomo: ‘Pizza is a substantive food unless you put pineapple on it’
NEW YORK—Governor Andrew Cuomo, in a lengthy explanation of possibly the most arbitrary government mandate in the long history arbitrary...
CDC admits to using Common Core math to add up new COVID cases
ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have admitted to using Common Core math to add up new COVID...
Newsom mandates leather face masks so Californians can literally lick boots while being bootlickers
SACRAMENTO—Gov. Gavin Newsom has issued a statewide order mandating that all Californians wear leather face masks while in public or...
Bill Gates infuriated that they keep coming up with cheap cures to his coronavirus bioweapon
REDMOND, WA—Billionaire and Bond Supervillain Bill Gates is incresingly infuriated that doctors and health practitioners keep coming up with simple...
