Brave activists exterminate last ‘problematic’ white rhinos
KENYA—The northern white rhinoceros became the latest victim of woke cancel culture when brave American activists killed the last two...
World
Biden approval rating surges after he’s replaced with a cardboard cutout of himself
US—President Biden's approval rating has surged after he was replaced with a cardboard cutout of himself yesterday. The move came...
Disney releases first oppressed princess Meghan doll
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—Disney has released the first oppressed princess Meghan doll—a new line of toys marketed to young girls....
Biden signs executive order banning all viruses and diseases on Earth
WASHINGTON, DC—In what many are hailing as nothing short of a miracle, President Biden signed an executive order today banning...
AOC orders her steaks medium because large steaks aren’t eco-friendly
BROOKLYN—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) does not mess around when she goes out to eat. She is fully masked and she...
Congress passes law requiring all bills to be at least 10,000 pages long
WASHINGTON, DC—Congress passed a law today requiring that all future bills be at least 10,000 pages long. “We want all...
Biden gets largest crowd ever at border rally
(CNN) President Joe Biden must be getting really popular. Everyone must love his long list of executive orders and new...
BREAKING: Texas declares each Californian 3/5th of a person
AUSTIN, TX—Texas Gov. Gregg Abbott signed an executive order today declaring Californians in his state three-fifths of a person. “I...
Study finds people have a 475% higher risk of dying from socialism than COVID-19
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Researchers at the National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER) in Cambridge, MA published an exhaustive study conducted over the...
Cuomo wins Al-Qaeda’s ‘Jihadi of the Year’ prize for killing 3x more Americans than 9/11
MIDDLE EAST—Emmy winner and New York Governor Andrew Cuomo scored another award this week as Al-Qaeda honored him with their...
